Posts tagged ‘Zac Goldsmith’

April 20, 2016

“Sadiq Khan is muslim-coloured!” yells Cameron at PMQs

by philapilus
File:Sadiq Khan, September 2009.jpg

EXTREMISM!!!!!*

David Cameron caused considerable surprise today at Prime Minister’s Questions when he climbed up on the bench, pointed at Sadiq Khan MP, and shouted “Muuuussssslimmmmmm! Brrowwwwnn musssslim!”

As the prime minister continued to point and shriek, conservative MPs rose to their feet to get a better look at Khan, then joined the pm in horrified declamations.

“It was a terrifying spectacle,” said a Labour frontbencher, “just like in Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, when the

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June 9, 2015

FIFA offering London Mayoralty to most ‘convincing’ bidder

by philapilus

“I’ve got this terrible pain in my head, right here. I hope it’s not the early onset of dementia and regrettable associated amnesia!”

The disgraced FIFA organisation has offered to ‘help secure’ the position of Mayor of London “for whichever of the candidates does the best job of convincing our board of their case.”

Embattled president Sepp Blatter said “By ‘case’ we obviously don’t just mean a case full of cash! No; we’d like to help whoever shows us that they have the whole package. We want to see someone who can really push the brown envelope. Someone willing to put a bit of elbow grease into our han- into the job.”

The offer “to assist in an advisory capacity” in the 2016 mayoral elections, comes after FIFA announced its diversification “into other lucrative markets, you know, in case the football thing doesn’t

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December 2, 2013

People still not riding to work on unicorns, says report

by philapilus
English: Tank!

How many KFC staff do you see rocking up in one of these?

The RAC Foundation has produced a report showing that most people are continuing to use traditional modes of transport, such as cars or buses, rather than riding on griffins, unicorns, or pegasi.

A spokesperson said “To our complete surprise, commuting in England and Wales is still generally done by car, train, bus… you know, things like that.

“Fewer than 1% of all commuters ride mythical creatures, less than 250 people within the M25 area arrive at the office on a combine harvester, and almost no one within urban conurbations sails to work in 19th century paddle steamers.

“This goes to show that when it comes to commuting, this

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