Posts tagged ‘the Daily Mail’

February 26, 2014

“What’s a ‘daily mail’?” asks Harriet Harman

by philapilus

Really? You’re REALLY actually going to take this on?

The deputy Labour leader has today asked someone to explain to her what the Daily Mail is, after it transpired she clearly doesn’t have the first clue about what Paul Dacre’s newspaper does.

The Mail had attacked Harman, for having some tenuous link, through the National Council for Civil Liberties, with the despicable Paedophile Information Exchange, a group which campaigned for ‘kiddyfiddlers’ rights’ in the 1970s.

Ms Harman said “Whatever this Daily Mail thing is, they should apologise, and put an end to what seems to be some sort of deliberate smear campaign. Such rudeness and deliberate character assassination is unheard of in the British press.”

However, given the infinite

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January 23, 2014

Year old story causes panic

by unpseudable

Full of diseased rats

Quality papers, including The Sun, The Mirror and The Mail have today been alerting the British public to the anticipated arrival of a ghost ship packed with hundreds, or even thousands, of disease-riven cannibal rats.

The Lyubov Orlova was being towed from St John’s, Newfoundland, to the Dominican Republic when it was torn adrift in bad weather, just last January.  Or ‘2012’, as reported in The Mirror.  It was helpfully annotated in map form, reproduced by the Daily Mail showing the starting point to the north of Newfoundland, as close as a few hundred miles from the actual location of the port of St John’s.

After being towed into the mid-Atlantic and left to drift, it was later located about 500 miles off the coast of Ireland, last February. 

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May 23, 2013

Muslims “delighted” to be your punching bag

by philapilus

   

The Baitul Futuh Mosque in London

“If you feel uneasy throwing bricks and petrol bombs at us, why don’t you pretend you’re relaxing at a coconut shy? Bring the kids; fun for all the family”

Peaceful, moderate muslims across the UK said today that they were thrilled by the prospect of being targeted with yet more stigmatisation, violence, and unconcealed hatred.

Abdul Iqbal, a grocer who doesn’t want to rip your arms and legs off and feed them to rabid dogs, said “Clearly the only appropriate response after yesterday’s atrocious acts of psychotic violence by two extremist nutters, is for you to beat the shit out of us as much as you like.

“I expect we deserve it. I mean, I’m not yet quite sure why my children should be pelted with stones in the park, but after I have finished reading the Daily Mail no doubt it will become clear.

“Oh and if you

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April 22, 2013

“Move to UK? Um…thanks, but no thanks” say migrants

by philapilus

 

Hours of Delay

Actually there are huge queues of foreign nationals massing in British airports. But only because they’re trying to get out of the bloody country before it becomes even more of a shithole

Patriotic sentiment up and down the country has been wounded and incensed this morning, by news that the mass wave of immigrants expected to come and take everyone’s jobs now seems unlikely to materialise.

BBC Newsnight polls showed that, contrary to the warnings printed in big capital letters in every issue of the Daily Mail for the last few years, hordes of Romanians and Bulgarians “Are not about to descend on the country like a swarm of locusts.”

The polls suggest that people in Romania and Bulgaria would rather go to Italy, Germany, or even North Korea and Papua New Guinea, rather than work in the UK.

Newsnight researchers say

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December 4, 2012

Royal Baby: what the papers are saying

by philapilus

The Morning Babel brings you a round-up of headlines from the British press:

English: Reversed and cropped detail from File...

Is he planning to kill this one?

Royal baby will be “almost as good as Diana”

     — The Daily Express

 

Royal baby: the latest fashion tips for foetuses

     — ES magazine

 

Royal baby FAT!!!! Scans show the tiny foetus has NOT managed to keep as TRIM as its mother; could Kate be on a BOOZE and DRUGS binge??!?!?!

     — Heat Magazine

 

Shock report: Royal baby might be black

     — The Sunday Sport

 

Prince Philip ‘Planned to kill Royal Baby’

     — The Daily Mirror

 

Wills and Kate: are they really happy to be pregnant?

     — The Daily Mail

 

Princess’s baby bump makes bumper year for royals

     — The Sun

 

Royal baby will not pay corporation tax

     — The Independent

 

Royal baby destined for much better life than your children

     — The Guardian