Posts tagged ‘TFL’

April 29, 2015

TfL boss forced to withdraw apology to Southeastern

by philapilus

“NOOOOO!!! PLEASE GOD NOOOOOOOOO!!”

Sir Peter Hendy has been ordered to withdraw his apology to Southeastern trains, after a court ruled that saying the company wasn’t completely awful constituted an attempt to mislead consumers.

Sir Peter, who called the operator ‘shit’ two weeks ago, subsequently apologised and retracted the comment, saying “I am truly sorry for my unfounded judgement. Let me be clear; Southeastern are not remotely shit”.

But after issuing this apology he was immediately prosecuted under The Trades Description Act, which

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April 24, 2015

Holborn area of Central London not even trying anymore

by philapilus

This aerial shot of London at night shows how the area known colloquially as ‘Black Hole-born’ is gradually causing the collapse of the wider city around it.

It has become apparent that everyone and everything in the Holborn area of central London no longer cares in the slightest, and is getting ever closer to complete collapse.

After several weeks of calamities- including hellfire spouting from the very streets, buildings falling down, transport services giving up completely, and the fucking awful new Tottenham Court Road station – everyone has agreed that there’s no point bothering anymore.

TFL spokesman, Percy Spoke, said “The whole of the city is gradually crumbling, and we aren’t even trying to provide a proper service now. If you

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April 25, 2014

Bob Crow memorial strike to go ahead

by philapilus

Yeah, your slightly longer journey to work really is the greatest injustice the world has ever known

The RMT union confirmed this morning that its members will go ahead with next week’s strike in honour of Bob Crow.

Spokesperson Percy Spoke said today “Bob was brilliant, we miss him. So next week we are planning to celebrate his life, in a way we know he would have enjoyed; by seriously pissing off millions of people and bringing London to its knees.

“I like to think old Bob will be looking down at us and smiling. Or possibly looking up and smiling. Well, wherever he

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February 5, 2014

Joyful London declares ‘Bob Crow for Mayor’

by philapilus

‘You utter bastards’

Many Londoners were ecstatic this morning in their support for Bob Crow and striking Underground workers, and called for immediate elections, to install the rotund trade unionist as mayor.

Striking London Underground employee, Cob Brow, said “Bob is the best of us. He nestles us in his rolls of flesh like a mother hen taking chicks under her wing.

“If it wasn’t for this brilliant and meaningful strike, which will achieve all our goals in one fell swoop, we would be hurled into the indifferent maw of the BoJo monster.”

But not everyone shared this

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