Posts tagged ‘Strictly Come Dancing’

December 9, 2016

Len Goodman confirms futility of celebrity existence

by philapilus

“Dance! Dance for me you pointless little mayflies! Your end cannot come soon enough! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman has said he “Really couldn’t give a toss about any of the Z-listers prancing about on stage”, admitting that he doesn’t even know who they are.

Speaking via walkie-talkie from a vantage point above the BBC studios, a rifle-wielding Goodman said “My god, it’s all so ghastly. These flippant, talentless nobodies come through, slapped up with paint and covered in sequins, to dance before you voracious little sofa-toads, like gladiators before an emperor.

“They prance and fall and twist their ankles and

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December 3, 2015

Bruce Forsyth in repair shop, will miss Christmas Strictly

by philapilus
File:Sir Bruce Forsyth opening The Sir Bruce Forsyth Auditorium at Millfield Theatre on October 6th 2009 2014-08-10 12-29.jpg

At home with friends

The animatronics inside the preserved corpse of TV presenter Sir Bruce Forsyth have malfunctioned and are undergoing extensive repairs, meaning ‘Brucie’ will not be presenting the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas special.

A BBC spokesperson said that “Having Sir Bruce on the show before the repairs are properly finished would be very unwise. A piston might punch right through his brittle, leathery skin and knock Claudia Winkleman’s teeth out.

“He will have to be dipped in formaldehyde and his circuit board will need to be wired from scratch. We’re sorry to say that Sir Bruce will therefore not

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