Posts tagged ‘Snowman’

January 21, 2013

Snow “worse than being an Algerian hostage” say Britons

by philapilus
snowwoman left and snowman right

And you thought terrorists were bad…

A survey carried out by the Slough Institute for Statistics and Sewage Treatment suggests over 70% of people believe that enduring the bad weather of the last few days is considerably more of a hardship than being a hostage in Algeria.

The death toll at the Saharan gas plant seized by Jihadist terrorists last week has now passed eighty, with several UK residents amongst the dead.Many bodies were found in such a disfigured state that identification was impossible.

But the survey, produced by Professor Hamish McEyebrau, shows that some 72% believe the hostages “Don’t know how lucky they are”, while nearly 60% of those surveyed “Think the snow is the worst catastrophe to hit Britain since David Jason’s acting.”

Veronica Smeglove, an OAP from Twyford, said

read more »

November 19, 2012

John Lewis ad proves UK is ready for apocalypse

by philapilus
English: Snowman

It doesn’t need your money, you stupid bastards; it just wants to live in your freezer

The nation’s tearful response to the John Lewis Christmas advert has proved conclusively that levels of emotional intelligence in Britain have plummeted below the ‘safe’ mark, and the only way forward is to destroy the country, according to a new study.

The Slough Recycling Centre’s Institute for Apocalypse Predictions, today presented its findings in a 300 page report, heavily recommending the unleashing of biologically engineered plague to wipe the slate clean.

Author of the Report, Professor Hamish McEyebrau, said “This advert is essentially a very short programme in which one inanimate pile of frozen water is depicted in a series of tableaux, supposedly going to a shop to buy unnecessary garments for another inanimate pile of

read more »