Posts tagged ‘Simon Cowell cunt’

June 24, 2015

Britain’s Got Talent screened to migrants at Calais as deterrent

by philapilus

Guaranteed to cut immigration down to the low levels Britain enjoyed when Beadle’s About was on the telly

The government has announced mass screenings of Britain’s Got Talent in Calais, as an ’emergency deterrent’ to the migrants trying to force their way on to vehicles bound for Britain.

As strikes brought traffic on the French side of the tunnel to a standstill, hundreds of migrants massed and tried to board stationary lorries and even force their way into family cars.

Immigration minister James Brokenshire said “These poor fools don’t realise that whilst Britain’s welfare system is relatively attractive, these isles are a cultural wasteland of despair. Exposure to Britain’s Got Talent is an excellent way of

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February 20, 2014

Putin completes transformation into comic-book villain

by philapilus
If 2D people turn to the side, you can't see them at all

If 2D people turn to the side, you can’t see them at all

After having women whipped in the street, demonising homosexuals, and upholding the authoritarian Ukrainian government’s stance against calls for democracy, experts say Vladimir Putin has now become a fully-fledged comic-book baddie.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Multi-storey Carpark School of Graphic Novels, said “At some point during the night the Russian president finally flattened into 2D, and developed the requisite black outline.

“By around 8AM he had been reduced into relatively simple blocks of colour, and shortly thereafter he was seen prowling around the Kremlin in a cape and mask, cackling maniacally, and

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August 21, 2013

Birth of the Antichrist may be imminent

by philapilus
English: Satan as Antichrist

Strangely no one has ever really commented upon Cowell’s unusual means of transport to and from the TV studios

The Catholic Church warned this morning that there is a very real possibility that the Antichrist will soon be upon us.

Father Mario Carrta, of the Holy Church’s Committee for Debating the End of the World, said “The Holy Book tells us that in the End Times a beast will arise; noxious and perfidious beyond all imagination.

“And it will sire a son, who, through no fault of his own, will be the antithesis of all that is holy.

“It was thus with great horror and trepidation that the Committee discovered in the paper this morning that Simon Cowell will

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