Posts tagged ‘sepp blatter’

June 9, 2015

FIFA offering London Mayoralty to most ‘convincing’ bidder

by philapilus

“I’ve got this terrible pain in my head, right here. I hope it’s not the early onset of dementia and regrettable associated amnesia!”

The disgraced FIFA organisation has offered to ‘help secure’ the position of Mayor of London “for whichever of the candidates does the best job of convincing our board of their case.”

Embattled president Sepp Blatter said “By ‘case’ we obviously don’t just mean a case full of cash! No; we’d like to help whoever shows us that they have the whole package. We want to see someone who can really push the brown envelope. Someone willing to put a bit of elbow grease into our han- into the job.”

The offer “to assist in an advisory capacity” in the 2016 mayoral elections, comes after FIFA announced its diversification “into other lucrative markets, you know, in case the football thing doesn’t

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December 12, 2013

Football to end next year

by articulatedsheep

FIFA, the world football governing body, has announced that all football will end next year.

Since the rules of the game were codified in 1863, clubs and national teams around the world have vied with one another to establish which is best at football. However, with the 150th anniversary of this codification now having past and the world no nearer to establishing which team is, ultimately, the best, the decision has been made to wind the whole thing up.

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