Posts tagged ‘Russell Brand’

April 30, 2015

“Me daily diary-wiary!!” by Russell Brand

by philapilus

ME! MEEE! MEEEEEE!! Why do me fans fink it’s all about MEEEEEEEE?!?!?!

‘ere, you’ll never guess wot! Your ‘umble meself only went and got Ed Miliband to come on me show and ‘ave a pow-wow about all politics an’ that!

If you wanna know the really important stuff wot’s gonna change our perfidious political paradigm, look no further than me Trews, mates! But ‘eres a breakdown of it, just for all you lovelies out there.

So I was all like ‘Well, Ed, all you politicians is well greedy, taking all the wonga wot the rest of us ain’t

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October 8, 2014

Dad’s Army movie to star Brand, LaBoeuf, and other A-listers

by philapilus

The dour, miserabilist Scot, Private Frazer, will be played by Alex Salmond, who has been whining ‘We’re doomed!’ over and over for a couple of weeks now

An all-star cast has been announced for the  big-screen remake of Dad’s Army, ending months of excited speculation.

Director Oliver Parker said “The feel of the classic sitcom, which followed the comedic mishaps of elderly Home Guard recruits in WW2, will permeate the new film, and our cast reflects that.

“The lead part of

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February 13, 2014

Benn’s illness raises haunting spectre of UK Left headed by Russell Brand

by philapilus

Sometimes it can be quite helpful to have someone around who knows what he’s about to say before he says it

British Left-wingers were said to be in a state of dismay this morning, after much-loved veteran politician Tony Benn spent a fourth night in hospital.

Messages of sincere concern for Benn’s health could not disguise the rising panic amongst his supporters however, who are realising that, without him, the entire legacy of class struggle will be left in the hands of Russell Brand.

Labour spokesman Carl Marks said “If Benn cops it, the technical term for our movement, in terms of classical political theory, is: ‘completely fucked’.

“The sensible Miliband has

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November 5, 2013

Russell Brand to set himself alight on bonfire in Guy Fawkes tribute

by philapilus
Lewes Bonfire, Guy Fawkes effigy

Tracey Emin has made an incredibly lifelike sculpture of Brand in honour of his sacrifice, which is called ‘I want to have your abortion, Russell’

Self-proclaimed revolutionary Russell Brand has offered to burn himself to death, in an open letter reply to Robert Webb’s open letter response to Brand’s interview with Jeremy Paxman, which was itself in response to Brand “having decided to go all political and stuff”.

After Webb chastised Brand for chastising Paxman for chastising Brand for telling young people not to bother voting, Brand chastised Webb in return for having had an education, and he went on to refute Webb’s allegation that revolutions inevitably lead to violence, death camps and the worst of human horrors.

“Yeah like, maybe in the past or whatevs, but now it’s like, a different era,” said Brand “and like I’m well political, and tryna get all like disenfranchised young people not to vote but to

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October 24, 2013

Royal Christening chaos

by philapilus
Justin Welby to be confirmed as Archbishop of ...

Still missing

The private christening yesterday of Prince George was mildly overshadowed by ‘supernatural oddities’, according to eye witnesses.

A close relative of the couple said “It all started when Kate carried him in to the Royal Chapel at St James Palace. The walls began trembling, and the pews bounced across the floor, which hadn’t happened in the chapel since Prince Philip ate that dodgy curry in 1987.

“Then, just as the Duchess was about to

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