Posts tagged ‘Royal Bank of Scotland’

June 17, 2015

RBS to refuse customers access to their money

by philapilus

No one noticed before that this translates as ‘The bank that despises you all”

RBS said this morning that the 600,000 payments to customers that went ‘missing’ last night were not the result of a mistake. A statement by the publicly owned bank also warned that “customers can expect a lot more of this sort of thing once nice Mr Osborne lets us go private again.”

Jerry Grossekatzen, spokesman for the RBS group said “Normally I’d say some bollocks about the computer system, probably. Or elves with little nets coming and taking your money in the night. But actually we can’t be bothered to make this shit up anymore; we’ll soon be free of you grubby little oiks.

“Our CEO Ross McEwan has filled a swimming pool with your cash, and once Osborne flogs RBS, he and Fred Goodwin are going to swim in it all day. You remember

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January 30, 2012

Pointless squabble over bonus indisputably proves futility of life

by philapilus
Portrait Picture of Tony Benn

We did tell you not to give him Lucozade...

The unremittingly boring wrangle over Stephen Hester’s ridiculous and inappropriate bonus has finally ended, after a weekend during which most thinking people contemplated suicide.

The mock-rage of people over the bonus offered to the Chief Executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland, was matched only by the mock-indifference of other people, while some other people even went for mock-support.

Hester’s proposed private sector-like bonus came as a shock to absolutely no one, despite the fact that RBS is almost entirely now publically owned after the ’08-’09 ‘Year of Bailout Fun’.

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