Posts tagged ‘Roy Hodgson’

June 28, 2016

Hodgson resigns from shadow cabinet

by philapilus

has had enough of Corbyn

Roy Hodgson has resigned from the shadow cabinet following the England football  team’s drubbing at the hands of a country with less people in it than Shropshire.

After England pulled out of Euro 2016 due to being comprehensively beaten, Hodgson said he “no longer had faith in Jeremy Corbyn, and I will no longer serve in

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June 7, 2016

Officials warn of ‘terror and violence’ at Euro 2016

by philapilus
320px-Crystal_Palace_fans_pitch_invasion_to_celebrate_with_players

They just want to be close to the players – it’s easier to glass them that way

Football officials have issued a warning that Euro 2016 may be beset by violence, after it transpired that many England fans would be travelling to watch their team get knocked out in the first round.

Jacques Fromage, head of UEFA, said “The French police predict that the championship will be marred by terrifying acts of violence; with drunken Englishmen rampaging through towns, throwing chairs through windows, and beating up Johnny Foreigners, whilst singing ‘Vindaloo’ at the tops of their voices.

“We must be vigilant.”

England fans are

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June 16, 2014

Brazil 2014 shock: England supporter thinks Italy shouldn’t have won

by philapilus

“And, right, did you notice how every time the Italians kicked the ball it went a bit further and was more accurate? Remote-controlled, mate. Bloody cheats.”

An England fan has caused a stir this morning, after claiming that Italy definitely didn’t deserve victory on Saturday, adding “We were totally robbed. I blame the ref, and the cheating Eyeties!”

Italy beat England 2:1 by virtue of being a better team, playing better, and scoring more goals.

But the England fan disputed the loss, and monologued for about half an hour on all the things Roy Hodgson should have done differently, including crushing Wayne Rooney’s thick skull with a sledgehammer instead of letting him play.

Footballologist, Tim Buttox, said “It is

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May 29, 2014

Roy Hodgson sends Stephen Hawking proposal for complete theory of the universe

by philapilus

“For-God’s-Sake-Is-The-Referee-Blind-Or-Something?”

Following Professor Stephen Hawking’s comprehensive predictions of exactly how and why England will lose the 2014 World Cup, Roy Hodgson has reciprocated by offering Hawking a Grand Theory of Everything.

Hodgson’s theory has brought together the disparate strands of modern physics, and, if correct, will revolutionise human understanding.

The England manager hypothesises that “The multiverse can best be understood as something like a tube of Smarties, with the logo accidentally printed on the inside, which has been emptied by a playful kitten, and then stretched out with a medieval torture rack, before being scrunched up by an angry Northern housewife, and then shaped into a frog by an origami expert from Merthyr Tydfil.”

Professor Hawking said “I have

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