Posts tagged ‘Republican party’

August 10, 2015

“Some of my best friends menstruate” says Trump

by philapilus

“Turtle-faced little piece of shit”

Donald Trump has lashed out at critics after his attack on a Fox journalist, and insisted he did not imply she was menstruating, but added “Even if I had said she was menstruating like a stuck pig, I would only have meant it in a really positive way.”

The tycoon, who had said publicly that Megyn Kelly was “bleeding out of her wherever” continued “I mean, obviously menstruation is gross, unnatural, dirty – and frankly just done to grab attention, but apart from that, I think it’s great.

“Some of my best friends are women. Or at

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November 6, 2014

World responds to US Republican victory

by philapilus

“The amount that we do not care what you think is impossible to express in any other way”

After the Republican party took control of the Senate in the mid-term elections, the rest of the world collectively sent the US an email, saying “Oh for fuck’s sake, America.”

All around the globe, people – many of whom aren’t very well-informed about US politics -chastised the American public for not being very well-informed about US politics, and for electing a bunch of right wing nutjobs.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, Head of USAology at the Slough School of Despondency said “It’s miserably depressing that a country where the majority are spiralling ever

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September 20, 2012

Leaked Romney video completely devoid of interest

by philapilus
Mitt Romney in 2007 in Washington, DC at the V...

Romney miming; showing supporters how to pull the rug fom under people’s feet

A video showing Mitt Romney speaking in a frank and unguarded way to a rich audience at a fundraising dinner, has been declared the least revealing and least shocking ‘expose’ political footage of the last sixty years.

A storm of controversy was expected to follow the release of the video. Critics predicted revelations of a secret agenda, and devastating evidence of unconstitutional behaviour in his too-cosy relationship with the wealthy.

But to everyone’s disappointment it transpired that the things Mitt Romney says to a private group of ultra-conservative supporters at a $50,000 dollar-a-head dinner are exactly the same as the things he says normally.

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September 5, 2012

US in shock as wife backs husband

by philapilus
Michelle Obama, official White House portrait.

Would you believe it; a woman appears to like a man she is married to. What are the chances?

Few events in American history can have caused as much political upheaval as Michelle Obama’s speech in suport of her husband at the Democratic convention last night.

Newspapers throughout the world ran with the same attention-grabbing headline this morning, as the US First lady surprised everyone by saying that she thought Barack Obama should get to stay in the White House for another four years.

Michelle’s speech, closing the convention’s first day, was expected to be a prolonged critique of the incumbent’s presidency, and a point by point comparison of the ways in which she felt Mitt Romney was a superior person.

US political commentator, Dwight D. Football said “Expectations on the hill were that Michelle was going to end her speech by publically filing for divorce, and holding up a great elephant-shaped banner with her phone number and “Call me, Mitt; I’m wet and waiting” blazened across it.

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