Posts tagged ‘Prince George’

April 28, 2014

George Clooney’s marriage ‘to make everything OK’

by philapilus

“It’s OK Barry, everything will be fine from now on”

It was revealed this morning that the small remainder of the world’s problems that weren’t solved by the visit of Prince George to New Zealand and Australia, will be handily mopped up by the news that George Clooney is banging some lawyer.

All news of the crisis in Ukraine, the devastating tornadoes in America, and the escalating hostilities between North and South Korea, dried up completely, as George Clooney’s relationship healed the world like a great big sticking plaster, and a kiss on the hurty bit from your mum.

Clooney’s agent, Vic Smarm, said “After weeks of nearly everything being brilliant because a baby visited

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April 10, 2014

Prince George to feature in next ‘Hobbit’ film

by philapilus

Prince George is using his time in New Zealand to pursue his passion for acting it was revealed today, after the son of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge was spotted on a Peter Jackson film set.

An artist’s impression of what it might look like if the young Prince got to fight Smaug

Royal spokesperson, Sir Percy Spoke, said “The Prince is just doing a cameo really, I don’t think he will be fighting the dragon or anything. Although, come to think of it, that would make for some smashingly pertinent iconography .”

Jackson, who is currently filming inserts for the third film in his decology based on J R R Tolkien’s short children’s book, ‘the Hobbit’, said “Actually the Prince was brilliant. He was the right size and everything.

“I mean, he

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November 1, 2013

“I was murdered by Simone Simmons” says Diana’s ghost

by philapilus
English: Princess Diana meeting with Sri Chinm...

The departed spirits of Princess Diana and Sri Chinmoy revealed this morning that they frequently had foursomes with Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson in a spaceship orbiting Pluto

Princess Diana’s ghost has lashed out at Simone Simmons today, after the Daily Star published an article in which her former ‘spiritual counsellor’ claimed to be carrying messages from the dead royal to the Duchess of Cambridge.

In an extraordinary revelation, the mother of Princes William and Harry, and would-have-been-grandmother to Prince George, said to TMB’s very own spiritual guru, Randy Bumfukowitz, “Tell everyone not to believe that lying little twat. It was none-other than Simone who orchestrated my death, through her links with the shady and secretive illuminati of the Royal British Legion.”

Diana, former daughter-in-law of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, then

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October 24, 2013

Royal Christening chaos

by philapilus
Justin Welby to be confirmed as Archbishop of ...

Still missing

The private christening yesterday of Prince George was mildly overshadowed by ‘supernatural oddities’, according to eye witnesses.

A close relative of the couple said “It all started when Kate carried him in to the Royal Chapel at St James Palace. The walls began trembling, and the pews bounced across the floor, which hadn’t happened in the chapel since Prince Philip ate that dodgy curry in 1987.

“Then, just as the Duchess was about to

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August 19, 2013

Diana “murdered” by RNLI

by philapilus
English: Wee Jimmy Krankie (left) and Jimmy Kr...

They’ve never actually said they *didn’t* do it…

Fresh claims about the death of Diana Princess of Wales emerged this morning, linking her fatal car crash in a Parisian tunnel to the shady Royal National Lifeboat Institution.

As the Daily Express entered Day 5832 of it’s cover-to-cover daily coverage of the aftermath of Diana’s death, it revealed this shocking new allegation, made by an un-named informant.

Editor Mike Ock said “Our secret source, told us – secretly and anonymously – that in 2002 he met a bloke in the pub who after eight pints loosened up and told him the secret of the century; Diana was secretly

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