Posts tagged ‘Politics’

November 4, 2013

Ed Miliband’s shadow cabinet arrested

by philapilus

 

English: ballot box

This terrorist device could go political at any moment

The Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the entire opposition front bench have been taken into custody by police, over suspicions that their actions have been ‘promoting a political or ideological cause’.

A police spokesman, PC McGarry No. 452, said “Our detention of David Miranda, partner of Guardian journalist Glenn Greenwald, under anti-terrorism powers, has inadvertently opened up a can of worms; there’s bloody loads of people promoting political causes! We had no idea it was this bad.

“Seriously, we are going to need a lot more staff. We’ve discovered that there are whole swathes of the population, who purchase and read political literature in the form of so-called ‘newspapers’ and ‘mag-a-zines’, and then

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October 2, 2013

Why Cameron’s cronies get the loaf, and the poor have crusts, by Polly Toynbee

by philapilus
David Cameron

‘I am guessing this uniformed man is the head of his fascist secret service, who go round supermarkets secretly re-pricing food until the poor can no longer afford it’

If ever we needed evidence that the Conservatives were out of touch, it came this week, when the Prime Minister admitted he didn’t know the price of a loaf of bread.

Unlike ordinary decent folk – like me – who do know the price (it’s 47p, and I didn’t just read that on the BBC website, I definitely already knew it), Cameron is living in Lala land.

Once again he seems to be inviting heavyweight, brilliant intellectuals – like me – to vent our spleens and make laboured, hamfisted, alliterative puns about how the crumbs and crusts the poor are living on are nothing compared to Cameron’s Cotswold Crunch.

In other words to make complete pretentious twats of ourselves.

Well, I’m not falling for it. I’m going to

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July 9, 2013

Prince Charles’s letters can’t be seen in case they say what they say

by philapilus
English: His Royal Highness Prince Charles, Du...

Any fool could tell he’s a rampant commie

Three high court judges have ruled that letters in which Prince Charles tried to sway government policy should not be seen by the public, in case he tried to sway government policy.

Which he did.

The judges said that attorney general Dominic Grieve had done the right thing in vetoing publication of the ‘black spider memos’, which as they showed the prince doing something wrong, might make people think he had done something wrong.

Rejecting a

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May 2, 2013

Wanker of the Week: Nigel Farage

by philapilus
Nick Farage Interviev

“I would like to see your fanny, but failing that, please will you vote for me?”

Nominated by:

Everyone.

Nominated for:

Being Nigel Farage.

TMB would like to state that in all fairness we feel we should not reflect political biases. Therefore despite the fact that, due to voting-patterns of our readers which are beyond our control, Farage is named our ‘Wanker of the Week’, we will also provide some

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October 31, 2012

Tips for Running the Country, by Pippa Middleton

by philapilus
Hot cross buns. Note: these are square buns fr...

Not just the princess’s sister: Pippa is also well known for her incredible buns

Hello everyone! Following the fab success of my party planner’s guide, ‘Celebrate’, I was approached again by Penguin, and offered another half million pounds to write another book. Isn’t that brilliant?!

After some meetings (which were lovely!), which we held in Claridge’s tearooms, we decided to do a book specially for all those brainiacs who keep us all so safe and happy with their brilliant ruling.

And I don’t mean just my sister! I’m talking about all those dear men  who make all those laws and stuff. I am sure they know what they are doing, but we could all do with a few tips from time to time couldn’t we, and half a million smackeroos sounds good to me, so what the hey, I’ve written a book just for them! Lovely!

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October 5, 2012

World of Warcraft Orc villified for double life

by philapilus
Elf Fantasy Fair 2010 orc

“There’s no shame in being a politician anymore”

The orc adventuress, Santiaga, has faced severe criticism amongst the WoW community, after opponents pointed out she led a double life as a candidate standing for senate in Maine.

Santiaga’s alter ego, Colleen Lachowicz, is the Democrat contender hoping to oust Republican Tom Martin, a level 23 Dark Elf mage called Halker Thoraxin, who dabbles in politics in his spare time.

The Dark Elves have written pamphlets attacking Santiaga, and put up posters,  to poison the minds of the people against her; questioning her abilities to pillage, slaughter and terrorise, given her democrat leanings and political credentials.

“They’ve made a series of baseless accusations, and spent a lot of time trying to assasinate my character,” said Santiaga.

“Why on earth should the fact that I enjoy the – now hugely popular – arena of politics, make me any less of a vicious, brutish thug? There’s no big stigma anymore about being a politician. It’s as normal as quaffing ale in a tavern and then starting a barfight by stabbing a dwarf chieftain in the eye with a cocktail stick.”

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