Posts tagged ‘Olympics 2012’

July 23, 2012

“I had a nightmare, a terrible nightmare!”

by philapilus
DSC_6364 Sebastian Coe on big screen

The stuff of our worst nightmares

Britain woke up this morning from a terrible dream, walked to the bathoom where her lover Bobby Ewing was having a morning shower, and burst into tears, saying; “Oh it was awful! I had this terrible dream, that seemed to last for years and years and years!

“When I woke up I thought for a godawful minute that we had been stupid enough to host the 2012 Olympics here in London! I dreamt that in 2005 we won the Olympic bid, and that we spent seven years of gruelling misery getting ready for it.

“It seemed so real!”

Bobby held the UK tightly in his arms and said “It’s ok, it’s ok. What happened?”

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July 16, 2012

Riots anticipated over clothed volleyball players

by philapilus
Volleyball reception

For most British men there is no higher peak of arousal…

The Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, has confirmed today that the police force is preparing for chaos across the country, after it emerged that volleyball players might have to wear clothes because London is “Fucking freezing and wet.”

The news that women might not be cavorting around semi-naked, slapping one another’s taut, oiled buttocks, and flashing heaving cleavages at the camera, has incensed 97% of the male population of Britain, leading the police to predict riots ten times worse than those of 2011.

“I admit we had not fully realised the extent of the interest in this particular sport,” said Hogan-Howe, “it was only when we were informed of the unbelievably enormous sales of Kleenex and baby oil this quarter, that we realised quite how bad this could go.”

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