Posts tagged ‘Northern England’

October 28, 2013

HS2 alternative “Almost as disruptive as HS2” warns report

by philapilus
English: Danny Alexander MP addressing a Liber...

For decades hence an image of this face will accompany the definition of the word ‘Success’ in every encylopedia

A government-commissioned report by Network Rail and Atkins claims that the alternative to the highly unpopular HS2 rail link would be “probably almost as much hassle as HS2, so we might as well do it anyway”.

The report warns that upgrading existing rail lines instead of building unwanted new ones “Will be a massive fag, and will cost almost half as much, and since we already printed the brochures, and spent ages doing an HS2 Powerpoint presentation, when

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January 24, 2012

Elderly mentalists to be rehoused

by philapilus
English: Menzies Campbell, British politician ...

This man would have to be relocated into the Stone Age diorama at the Natural History Museum

In a move designed to revolutionise care for the elderly, the NHS is to begin implementing plans for new accomodation for dementia sufferers. The scheme is based on one recently green-lit in Switzerland, where a mock 1950s-style village is being built outside Bern.

“Basically,” said Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, “demented old codgers – sorry, I mean elderly people with dementia – spend most of their time mentally living in the past. Well, the Swiss have this plan for a care-home complex built to emulate that past. A sort of mini 1950s world.

“My idea goes one better. Rather than expensive – and necessarily small-scale – new-build villages, we are going to immerse our crazy old folk in an entire culture that is six decades behind.

“We are going to move them all up North.”

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