Posts tagged ‘Nicholas Witchell’

October 24, 2013

Royal Christening chaos

by philapilus
Justin Welby to be confirmed as Archbishop of ...

Still missing

The private christening yesterday of Prince George was mildly overshadowed by ‘supernatural oddities’, according to eye witnesses.

A close relative of the couple said “It all started when Kate carried him in to the Royal Chapel at St James Palace. The walls began trembling, and the pews bounced across the floor, which hadn’t happened in the chapel since Prince Philip ate that dodgy curry in 1987.

“Then, just as the Duchess was about to

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September 17, 2012

Prince William: “Not enough is being said about my wife’s breasts”

by philapilus
prickly paddy melon (Cucumis myriocarpus), Wil...

Everyone likes melons

Prince William, the future King of Britain, has lashed out at the press and at common people around the world, for not showing enough interest in his wife Kate’s nipples.

In a statement released by the Royal couple today, William insisted that if Kate is indeed going to be Queen of the world’s ninety-sixth most important country, then people should jolly well start ogling her chest a bit more.

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August 23, 2012

Prince’s arse unveiled as new stamp

by philapilus
English: Prince Harry at a 2009 charity match ...

This picture shows Harry’s hairy arse superimposed on top of a polo shirt, to make it funny to Daily Mail readers.

The unending diarrhoeic stream of shit written about the posh idiot who was photographed with his clothes off*, has given rise to a media feeding frenzy, which hacks and Royal Correspondents alike are calling “A Perfect Arse-storm”.

The third in line to the British throne (you know, the one not genetically related to Charles in any way) caused controversy – again – when pictures of him cavorting without his clothes on in LA surfaced earlier this week.

And then, within about five minutes, were seen by everyone in the world.

The Royal Family icily confirmed that the pictures were indeed of the prince, and called upon the British press to respect their privacy and not to publish the images.

The entire media industry responded by laughing themselves so silly they pissed in their pants, and then sent back a joint memo saying “That was a cracker! Tell it again?”

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