Posts tagged ‘Newspaper’

November 23, 2015

EXCLUSIVE POLL! 1 in 5 writers for The Sun would DROWN A DOG!

by unpseudable

Tom Newton Dunn, Political Editor of The Sun wants to DROWN THIS DOG*

An exclusive TMB poll of current writers for The Sun newspaper has revealed that a shocking 19% would voluntarily drown a dog.

Furthermore, a shocking 38% of respondents said yes they would ‘probably’ or ‘definitely’ burn every tree on the planet.

Ethics guru, Gary Uru responded to these shocking statistics. “These shocking statistics reveal the depth to which those on the payroll of The Sun might hypothetically sink.  Well, we always knew that some who wrote for the paper had more in common with the cockroach than you or me,

read more »

September 30, 2013

Fearful and Terrified people in Duck Tours ‘Fear and Terror’ ordeal

by philapilus
A DUKW on a tour of London, in the Thames just...

This one isn’t on fire, but if it was there would be FEAR and TERROR

The London amphibious bus tour operator, Duck Tours, has suspended the river component of its tours after one of its craft caught fire whilst in the Thames yesterday.

‘Fear and Terror’

Newspapers were quick to explain to people reading them that the people on board the vehicle had experienced ‘Fear and Terror’, rather than other emotions, such as enjoyment, hunger, enthusiasm or ennui.

‘Fear and terror gripped the passengers as the flames rose around them’ reported the newspaper that

read more »

November 13, 2012

Abu Qatada release triggers Daily Mail aneurysm

by philapilus
Saint George's cross (a red cross on a white b...

Even its spattered blood lands in jingoistic patterns…

As radical cleric Abu Qatada was released from prison today, the big vein that throbs in the forehead of the Daily Mail when it gets all angry about stuff finally popped.

The newspaper, which has suffered high blood pressure and anger-management issues for many years, was having a leisurely brunch at its favourite cafe, ‘George’s English Brekkie’, when it glanced up and saw news of Qatada’s release on the TV.

Cafe-owner George said “The Daily Mail has been comin’ here for years. One of me best customers, I reckon. Always has a good word, always says ‘I bloody love it here George, none of them bloody sweating Turks or Poles, just good old English fry-up’.

read more »