Posts tagged ‘New Year’s Honours’

December 31, 2016

New Year’s Honours prominently feature Trumpton characters

by philapilus

Brian Cant said the honours were “well overdue”

The New Year Honours bestowed by Her Majesty the Queen have once again bucked expectation, after it was revealed today that the vast majority had gone to residents of Trumpton, and the nearby villages of Camberwick Green and Chigley.

Despite widespread belief that the Queen would be honouring British sporting giants who had so much success in 2016, Buckingham Palace announced that “Her Majesty felt it was really a year in which the achievements of Trumptonshire pissed all over the rest of the UK.

“Whether it was Mr Craddock the Park Keeper’s ‘Clean for the Queen’ initiative or

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December 31, 2015

2016 New Year’s Honours: Lynton Crosby knighted for services to Darkness

by philapilus

Crosby’s successful work on the Tory campaign has enabled Cameron and Osborne to continue their brilliant reign of plenty for another 5 years

Labour has complained vociferously at the news that Tory campaign manager Lynton Crosby is being knighted after orchestrating the resounding 2015 Conservative electoral victory.

Sir Crosby is receiving his honour for “Services to the Realm of Eternal Darkness”, in recognition of his essential work in establishing Cameron’s Second Reich.

But newly-minted Labour peer Baron Spencer Livermore argued that “peerages for those orchestrating political campaigns are an outrageous exercise in hypocritical cronyism.

“And you should listen to me because I’m a baron, even if my attempts to help Labour win the last election were unsuccessful…. um… is it just me, or

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March 1, 2013

Ennis: “Queen groped my boobs”

by philapilus
English: Jessica_Ennis during 2011 World champ...

“Before I knew what was happening she’d raised her hands like this, and then…’Honk Honk!'” wept the Olympian.

The London 2012 heptathlon champion, Jessica Ennis, made shocking accusations against the Queen this morning, when she alleged that the monarch grasped her breasts whilst awarding her the CBE yesterday.

A tearful Ennis described the deep psychological trauma she suffered, when the Queen of the United Kingdom and other Commonwealth Realms felt her up and made disgustingly lecherous comments.

“At first I thought

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