Posts tagged ‘Network Rail’

October 29, 2013

Southern England blown into Atlantic by storm

by philapilus
The North-South divide in the United Kingdom

Experts say that it will take months for the St Jude-battered country to return to it’s normal colour

The entire South of England, as well as parts of Wales and the West country, were last night being towed back to the mainland, after monster storm St Jude ripped them loose and hurled them hundreds of miles out to sea.

Although the search has been called off for still-missing parts of Hampshire and Kent, rescue-ships were jubilant this morning to discover the Isle of Wight, which had been swirling round and round in a whirlpool about 80 miles off the coast of Ireland.

Estimates of the economic cost of the storm, which veteran weatherman Michael Fish called ‘the embodiment of evil personified’, have been increasing hourly, but Minister for

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October 28, 2013

HS2 alternative “Almost as disruptive as HS2” warns report

by philapilus
English: Danny Alexander MP addressing a Liber...

For decades hence an image of this face will accompany the definition of the word ‘Success’ in every encylopedia

A government-commissioned report by Network Rail and Atkins claims that the alternative to the highly unpopular HS2 rail link would be “probably almost as much hassle as HS2, so we might as well do it anyway”.

The report warns that upgrading existing rail lines instead of building unwanted new ones “Will be a massive fag, and will cost almost half as much, and since we already printed the brochures, and spent ages doing an HS2 Powerpoint presentation, when

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January 3, 2013

“Rail fares still cheaper than chartering a private jet” retorts minister

by philapilus
Luxury yacht in the Gulf of Saint-Tropez, 2006

“It’s not like there aren’t other ways to get to work”

Lib-Dem rail minister Norman Baker hit back at critics of higher fares yesterday, and slammed suggestions that spending 75% of your salary just getting to and from work might be a bit unfair.

“Trains are incredibly reasonably priced,” insisted Baker “when taken against other comparable modes of transport such as helicopters, jets, or paying for a private canal to be dug between your domicile and place of work.”

He was forced to qualify this, however, adding “Unless of course you and a couple of neighbours got together for a helicopter-pool, jet-pool or canal-building-pool, in which case obviously rail is more expensive. But still, it’s bloody good value for money, I think.”

As the

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