Posts tagged ‘Nazi germany’

November 4, 2013

Nazi loot: “I could do better than that” says everyone’s Grandad

by philapilus

 

Les Demoiselles d'Avignon. Oil on Canvas (244 ...

“And that’s meant to be good, is it?” Grandad said scornfully

Grandads across the country complained angrily this morning, after news broke that the haul of modern artworks discovered in a Munich apartment could be worth  a billion euros.

“A billion euros? For that stack of crap?!” said Grandpa from Hull, “Bloody Picasso. I could do a better drawing than that with my eyes shut! He hasn’t even got the nose in the right place, or the mouth. Was he some sort of spastic or something?”

In Southend, Gramps, a decorator and proud grandparent of five evil little tykes, said “That Marc Chagall was a right chancer if you ask me. Look at that horse; that’s ‘art’, is it? Bollocks. Daylight robbery. What did

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May 10, 2012

2012 Olympics proudly continues Third Reich tradition

by philapilus
The Nazi origins of the Olympic Flame relay wa...

Coe says “The 2012 Olympics logo looks really neat against a white circle on a long banner, don’t you think?”

With the lighting of the Olympic torch in Athens today, the depressingly long summer of sport-obsessed hysteria is officially under way.

Whilst women clad in white robes kindled the torch from sunlight – Greece no longer being able to afford matches – there was an audible ‘clunk’ as everyone switched off their higher brain functions.

Minds around the globe were retuned to Basic Operational Mode, and any word with more than three syllables was officially banned from use until the autumn.

Sebastian Coe, Chairman of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games, said “Well this is really brilliant. It was Prometheus who stole fire from the gods, and as we get lots of people to run round and round Britain, with a bit of fire in a confusing relay, I like to think that Prometheus would be sitting up there weeping. Tears of joy, of course.”

“After all, what would be the point in just taking the torch straight to the Olympic stadium? Or, worse still, doing away with the whole torch-transportation thing, and lighting the cauldron with a Zippo? You might as well claim the whole thing is meaningless ceremony, given that fire is now fairly easily generated, and doesn’t have to be passed from one person to another, like some precious and rare commodity.”*

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May 4, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: “Hitler was anti-semite” claims unprecedented report

by philapilus
Broken glass, off Queen's Road, Titanic Quarte...

Bringing you all the breaking news, so fast we don’t even stop to call the glazier in first

An incredible and unprecedented report has been uncovered by an academic at Cambridge University, which reveals exclusively, for the first time, that during the Second World War, British intelligence had noticed Adolf Hitler didn’t like Jews very much.

The document, produced about halfway through the war, shows that a mere decade after Hitler rose to prominence in Nazi germany, British Intelligence had, in the words of the report “…just noticed that this jolly Kraut chappie doesn’t seem to like the Semites all that much does he, what?”

The Cambridge academic, Dr John Creaux, said “This report shows not only the speed at which British intelligence was able to understand events on the continent, but also, I hope, how quick Cambridge is academically in publishing its findings. We are literally nearly writing history as it happens.

“Sort of.”