Posts tagged ‘Monday’

May 28, 2013

Round-up of your bank holiday weekend

by philapilus
English: A television remote control.

You PROMISED yourself you were going to hide it this time…

Britain admitted this morning that it had done less than half of the things it had planned for the long bank holiday weekend, and that feelings of guilt, sloth and failure had made the always-unpleasant return to work worse than usual.

Unemployed bank holiday commenter, Tim Twanks, commented “Unfortunately I have once again thrown away a golden opportunity to really actually do some of the stuff that I am always saying I will do as soon as I get the chance.

“Instead I

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June 25, 2012

English men are inexplicably down in the dumps

by philapilus
English: Plastic pizza saver - used to keep th...

If your job involves the use of these, then for God’s sake don’t go in today; barricade your doors, and stay under the covers till at least mid-week.

This morning women all over the country reported noticing that men seemed really quite miserable, and that most had a misanthropic, murderous scowl on their faces that was worse than the usual one.

Despite the fact that the sun was shining over most of the country, the male mood was a worrying seventy per cent lower than usual, according to figures which are impossible to check.

An astonishingly large proportion of the bit of the country’s population whose genitals dangle, turned up for work this morning wearing badges that read ‘If you talk to me, I will kill you’.

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