Posts tagged ‘Monarchy of the United Kingdom’

August 23, 2012

Prince’s arse unveiled as new stamp

by philapilus
English: Prince Harry at a 2009 charity match ...

This picture shows Harry’s hairy arse superimposed on top of a polo shirt, to make it funny to Daily Mail readers.

The unending diarrhoeic stream of shit written about the posh idiot who was photographed with his clothes off*, has given rise to a media feeding frenzy, which hacks and Royal Correspondents alike are calling “A Perfect Arse-storm”.

The third in line to the British throne (you know, the one not genetically related to Charles in any way) caused controversy – again – when pictures of him cavorting without his clothes on in LA surfaced earlier this week.

And then, within about five minutes, were seen by everyone in the world.

The Royal Family icily confirmed that the pictures were indeed of the prince, and called upon the British press to respect their privacy and not to publish the images.

The entire media industry responded by laughing themselves so silly they pissed in their pants, and then sent back a joint memo saying “That was a cracker! Tell it again?”

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June 27, 2012

Queen to fight McGuinness

by philapilus
A boxer is knocked down and receives the 10 count.

The Queen has won her last seven fights by technical knock-out, all before the third round

A bitter rivalry that makes the Hayes-Chisora feud look like a nursery school squabble comes to a head today, as Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II steps into the ring against former IRA commander, Martin McGuinness.

In what boxing enthusiasts are already describing as ‘the bout of the decade’, the Irish deputy first minister will challenge the reigning British monarch, in a match that will be fought on his home soil.

The two opponents have been taunting and trying to out-psych one another for quite some time ahead of today’s fight, with McGuinness serving in a force that assassinated the Queen’s cousin, and HRH in her turn continuing the longstanding pugilist’s tradition of screwing Ireland over indefinitely.

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March 12, 2012

“I was completely off my tits” says Prince

by philapilus
Cocaine powder

"This is rally good shit, homies"

An aide to Prince Harry has issued an important correction to all the newspaper stories which reported that the Prince had been ‘choked up’ on his recent Commonwealth tour.

Apparently Harry had actually admitted to being ‘coked up’, but due to an over-reliance on Microsoft spellcheck – stemming from piss-poor education – virtually every Fleet Street Royal Correspondent had managed to misrepresent the Prince.

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