Posts tagged ‘Michael Fish’

February 12, 2014

Met Office issues revised flood information

by philapilus
Druids,_in_the_early_morning_glow_of_the_sun

The BBC Weather team

As it predicted yet more flooding today, the Met Office has said Britain’s only chance of survival against the righteous wrath of nature is to sacrifice key national figures, at various sacred coves, waterfalls, and ancient fords.

Weather forecasters were instructed this morning to lose the suits and designer dresses, put on their traditional druidic robes, and crown themselves with wreaths of hawthorn, before telling the cowed peasantry the most magical locations for ritually murdering a selection of politicians and celebrities.

BBC weatherman, Tomasz Schafernaker, said “Obviously you’ll want to keep an eye on regional television, to see which famous people should be dressed in white robes and then hacked up with a sickle, in your particular area.

“But the broad picture for the UK is that Prince Charles needs to be dismembered and thrown off Beachy Head, the Spice Girls must

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October 29, 2013

Southern England blown into Atlantic by storm

by philapilus
The North-South divide in the United Kingdom

Experts say that it will take months for the St Jude-battered country to return to it’s normal colour

The entire South of England, as well as parts of Wales and the West country, were last night being towed back to the mainland, after monster storm St Jude ripped them loose and hurled them hundreds of miles out to sea.

Although the search has been called off for still-missing parts of Hampshire and Kent, rescue-ships were jubilant this morning to discover the Isle of Wight, which had been swirling round and round in a whirlpool about 80 miles off the coast of Ireland.

Estimates of the economic cost of the storm, which veteran weatherman Michael Fish called ‘the embodiment of evil personified’, have been increasing hourly, but Minister for

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