Posts tagged ‘long-term unemployment’

January 4, 2013

Labour: “We pledge Ferraris for everyone (unless we win)”

by philapilus
Rare Casio fx-77 Solar Powered Scientific Calc...

It pretty much comes down to who has the best one of these

Labour has this morning revealed that if it were currently in power all of the long term-unemployed would be given temporary jobs , those in work would each get a Ferrari, barmaids would be 32% more attractive, and old people would remember more than they used to, and be slightly less annoying, talkative and urine-scented.

Ahead of next Tuesday’s debate on whether benefits should rise in accordance with inflation, shadow work and pensions secretary, Liam Byrne said “We have this really good scientific calculator, that Ed Balls’s mum bought him for doing his A-levels, and we all sat round and did the maths the other day, and we could afford to do all this right now, if we were in office. I bet you wished you’d voted for us now.”

Byrne added “We are throwing down the gauntlet to the conservatives with this hypothetical spending plan, and feel we can promise, hand on heart, that if we were in their shoes, everyone would have a job and a really fast car. This puts the onus on them to explain just why it is that Britain is not currently full of happy, employed people speeding around in new automobiles.”

Labour were

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