Posts tagged ‘Labour party’

June 28, 2016

Corbyn blamed for Engxit

by unpseudable
jeremy_corbyn_global_justice_now

That there is an open goal: so let’s get out there, and miss it entirely

Besieged opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn ‘must take responsibility’ for England’s humiliating exit from football’s Euro 2016 competition and resign, according to an increasing number of Labour MPs and Roy Hodgson.

‘His leadership is now clearly untenable,’ said Chris Bryant as he resigned from the shadow cabinet. ‘I had some constituents asking if he was actually cheering England on at all. I said I didn’t know. Someone even said they heard him cheering for Iceland. He may well have been.

‘Of course, given that my constituents are mostly Welsh they are actually quite happy about England losing,

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August 11, 2015

“Corbyn isn’t much like Blair” warns Campbell

by philapilus

“He’s got huge tusks that come out of his jaw about this far, and if we make him leader then he’ll use them to impale babies”

Alastair Campbell has warned Labour members against voting for Jeremy Corbyn, explaining that Corbyn is not Tony Blair, and furthermore “doesn’t even look like him”.

Campbell who was the communications director and enforcer for the Blair government, has told party members that the left-wing leadership candidate is “dangerously unBlair; he doesn’t appear to be remotely interested in Blairism, doesn’t sound or taste like Blair, and doesn’t even remind me of that useless tub of fox excrement Gordon Brown.”

Jeremy Corbyn is leading the

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November 7, 2014

Absolutely no one challenging Miliband for ‘unwanted’ leadership

by philapilus

Gold-plated job security: when literally everyone else would rather die than take over from you

Labour rebels denied attempts to overthrow Ed Miliband today, adding that no matter how dissatisfied they were with him, they couldn’t find a single person willing to take over and lead the Labour party into catastrophic general election defeat next year.

Rebel Wedge Antilles, MP for Little Chittface in Hampshire, said “Well, there has been a fair bit of sniping about Ed behind his back. There’s been clandestine meetings where everyone is trying to make out that they’re planning leadership challenges, and so forth, mostly out of bravado.

“But actually we haven’t found a single person who will go through with it and usurp Ed’s place. It’s a shit job, and

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September 23, 2014

Miliband: “I can fix Britain by 2025, if you all just go away and count to a billion”

by philapilus

“Keep your eyes shut… no peeking, or you’ll spoil it!”

Ed Miliband wowed the Labour conference today, with a closing speech ambitiously pledging to fix absolutely everything in the UK in 10 years – provided everyone just goes away until he’s finished.

The leader of the opposition told party members “This is NOT another slogan. ‘Britain 2025’ is a real, tangible thing.

“I PROMISE you, hand on heart, that if elected I will definitely fix this broken country in a decade. Only thing is, it’s sort of like a magic trick; I have to do it secretly. If you’re all watching and scrutinising me, it won’t work. Kind of like

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April 15, 2014

Cyberthieves commit suicide after reading through Mumsnet data

by philapilus

Police have confirmed that Heartbleed hackers have been killing themselves in droves, after actually reading some of the data they stole from the Mumsnet website’s sorority.

About to unleash hell on another member who thinks disposable nappies are a bad idea

A suicide note left by super-hacker, Hackassassin, said “I am a 32-stone, unemployed, X-Box addict. Dark cycnicism, and engaging in online squabbles about Game of Thrones and Titanfall have been my stock in trade, and subsequently I have suffered from nihilistic, self-loathing depression all my life.

“But it wasn’t until I read through the Mumsnet messages that I truly knew existential despair. Goodbye, cruel

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