Posts tagged ‘John Travolta’

December 12, 2013

‘Barmy cult’ promoted to ‘barmy religion’ status

by philapilus
L. Ron Hubbard in Los Angeles, California.

“If you pile this much cash in front of me, I’ll tell you all the secret mysteries of the universe…”

The Supreme Court yesterday ruled that “big pile of flannelwank”, Scientology, is to be elevated from amongst the world’s batshit-mad cults to join the ranks of the batshit-mad religions.

Lord Chief Justice, Justin Lord-Judge, said “Scientology is a huge bunch of arse, and as such it is beyond the realm of possibility that any free-thinking, vaguely rational person would consider it as anything other than make-believe babble.

“However, it is no more ridiculous than any of the other huge bunches of arse making supernatural claims, such as Islam, Buddhism, Judeo-Christianity, Hinduism, or the Conservative party.

“Therefore, as

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July 13, 2012

Joke religion to broadcast bollocks

by unpseudable

The man without whom there would be no Battlefield Earth. Just think about that.

As if existing and having famous members wasn’t enough, the Church of Scientology now plans to launch a TV station.

Scientology spokeswoman, Karen Pouw, said, “The Church (that’s right, I said “Church”) plans to establish a central media hub for our growing world network of churches, and to move into religious television and radio broadcasting in our continued scheme to take over the world.  Err… I mean, spread the important message about Thetans and all that shit.”

Experts suggest that it could be similar to the Christian Broadcasting Network run by Pat Robertson.  Only scarier.  “Imagine really good looking people talking for hours about unremitting bollocks, interspersed with the film Battlefield Earth, then you’ve pretty much got it,” said Rick Ross, cult expert.  “Hollywood’s the obvious place for them to be.  I mean, it is the home of entertainment.  Besides which, there are more blithering idiots per square mile there than anywhere else in the world.  But of course, by broadcasting such irredeemable balls they can reach all the other blithering idiots everywhere.  It’s terrifying.

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