It doesn’t need your money, you stupid bastards; it just wants to live in your freezer
The nation’s tearful response to the John Lewis Christmas advert has proved conclusively that levels of emotional intelligence in Britain have plummeted below the ‘safe’ mark, and the only way forward is to destroy the country, according to a new study.
The Slough Recycling Centre’s Institute for Apocalypse Predictions, today presented its findings in a 300 page report, heavily recommending the unleashing of biologically engineered plague to wipe the slate clean.
Author of the Report, Professor Hamish McEyebrau, said “This advert is essentially a very short programme in which one inanimate pile of frozen water is depicted in a series of tableaux, supposedly going to a shop to buy unnecessary garments for another inanimate pile of
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