Posts tagged ‘Jeremy Hunt cunt’

January 17, 2018

Hunt ‘delighted’ nurses leaving NHS as social care numbers will increase

by philapilus

‘Hunt’ has now replaced the c-word as a term of abuse, and ‘you total Hunt’ is second only in its offensiveness to calling someone a ‘massive Gove’

Jeremy Hunt has said that he is “absolutely thrilled” that nurses are leaving the NHS in record numbers, as it means “that more and more unemployed, depressed ex-nurses will have to rely on social care.”

Hunt’s new brief, after Theresa May’s cabinet reshuffle, was expanded to include Social Care, and it is understood from sources in government that “Mr Hunt had grown bored of destroying the NHS and

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February 10, 2017

‘NHS unacceptable’ says man who ran it into the ground

by philapilus
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Jeremy is also fascinated by bottled water

Jeremy Hunt has said that the problems with the NHS are ‘unacceptable’, and has offered himself his warmest congratulations for making it so.

The Health Secretary said “I have spent five years helming the good ship NHS, finding iceberg after iceberg to ram, and finally I have managed to tear its hull to pieces. It is letting on water fast, and has finally been upgraded from ‘we’re in trouble’ to ‘oh shit we’re all going to die’.

“I couldn’t be happier.”

Hunt was

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October 4, 2015

2015 tory conference: Hunt mobbed by fans, Cameron praised for tax credit cuts

by philapilus

Beloved

The 2015 Conservative conference has already been judged a huge success, with witnesses describing an electric atmosphere at the Manchester venue.

Activists and party grandees cheered and cried out ‘Hosanna’ as David Cameron arrived riding his giant wild boar, Pickles, and strewing the ground before him with palm leaves.

After the prime minister dismounted he pissed in the face of a street urchin and announced that he would not be changing his mind on

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July 21, 2015

Rob Wilson MP defends 1 1/2p claim for breathing

by philapilus

“You’d be amazed how much shit comes out of me every day” said Wilson

Conservative MP Rob Wilson has lashed out at critics for drawing attention to small expenses claims he has made for driving 350 yards, riding his bicycle, and breathing.

The Member for Reading East said that “As a public servant my every waking moment is spent serving the public. Therefore everything I do during those working moments should be paid for by the public. And as I only receive a salary for my MP work, I see nothing wrong in claiming everything else on expenses.”

His most regular claims revealed by IPSA include: breathing, at 1 1/2p per breath; getting dressed, at 11p per day (13p if it’s a weekend); peeing, at 3p per 200ml; and

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March 13, 2014

Jeremy Hunt given power to blow up hospitals

by philapilus
Jeremy Hunt visiting the Kaiser Permanente Center for Total Health, 700 Second St, Washington, USA-3June2013.jpg

The bill also gives the Health Secretary the right of ‘jus prima noctis’ throughout the United Kingdom and Commonwealth

A bill passed on Tuesday has given Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt the power to plant high explosives inside every hospital in the country and then detonate them “as and when he deems it necessary or entertaining”.

A Conservative spokesperson said this morning “After Jeremy failed to shut down Lewisham Hospital because the High Court ruled it unlawful, we decided that the best thing to do was change the law.

“It’s worked really well. We think we’re going to do it for everything from now on; it makes our job so much easier. Maybe we’ll even bring in a law that says you have to vote Conservative. That’d be good.”

Hunt’s new powers also include the ability to shut immediately any hospital that has a vowel in its name, and legally enforces

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