Posts tagged ‘Jeremy Clarkson offensive’

March 12, 2015

Millions back Clarkson in campaign for ‘freedom of violence’

by philapilus

“I am saddened by this infringement of my human rights” said Jeremy

Across the world this week millions of people have signed a petition in support of Jeremy Clarkson’s crusade for the right to punch colleagues in the workplace.

Having been villified, censured and suspended by the BBC, simply for gently attacking a co-worker, Jeremy ‘Jesus’ Clarkson has become the spearhead of a movement which aims to protect core human rights.

This morning Mr Clarkson said “If we let them stop us from punching each other in the head today, then tomorrow they’ll be telling us not to use racial slurs, and

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April 15, 2014

Clarkson and Titchmarsh to fight to the death

by philapilus

In what promises to be the least interesting cagefight of all time, the smugly bland/blandly smug multi-platform merchandising whore and occasional gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, is to take on bloated masturbator and vroom-vroom fanatic Jeremy Clarkson.

Burying his last victim in front of cheering fans

Clarkson, who holds obnoxious opinions for money, called out the gardening fraternity for not attempting to sodomise cars up the exhaust pipe, saying “They think a hobby is something to spend time and effort on, whilst hugging plants like a big bunch of hippies.

“The only good use of your time is sitting back, switching on the TV, and watching me drive fast cars, with your hand stuck down the front of

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January 22, 2014

Homophobic Clarkson enlisted to tackle hydrophilic gays

by philapilus

“Quick everyone, on to the life-rafts; gayness floods are coming!”

Christians lucky enough to be unencumbered with high IQs have petitioned Jeremy Clarkson to visit Britain’s flooded areas, and “repel the waters like a modern day King Cnut”, after the presenter posted a homophobic image on twitter.

The photograph showed Clarkson sleeping in a plane, whilst a BBC employee held up a sign inscribed with the witty message ‘Gay Cunt’, next to the Top Gear presenter’s head.

“Jeremy is a true warrior for Christ.” said disgraced Ukip member David Silvester, (who thinks God sends floods to punish the UK for allowing gay marriage, and yet inexplicably thinks we should blame gays rather than, say, the deity who sends all the fucking water).

Silvester added “I believe Jeremy can

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