Posts tagged ‘Italy’

September 18, 2013

Ancient wreck of the Costa Concordia raised

by philapilus
English: Costa Concordia Polski: Statek pasaże...

Not suitable for road travel

Marine archaeologists and salvage experts have succeeded in bringing one of Italy’s most famous shipwrwecks to the surface.

The Costa Concordia was the largest ever Italian cruiser at the time it was built , and was nicknamed ‘the unsinkable’.

But on a pleasure cruise around the Mediterranean, the vessel struck a rock and capsized, after Captain Francesco Schettino forgot he was in charge of a ship and tried to sail across Isola del Giglio. Over thirty

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June 24, 2013

Berlusconi sentenced to 7 years of doing whatever he wants

by philapilus
Silvio Berlusconi

Ok, he looks happy now, but it’s probably just that the reality of his sentence hasn’t sunk in yet.

24/06/2013

The Italian ex-prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was today found guilty on yet more criminal charges – this time for having sex with an underage prostitute – and sentenced to spending 7 years “doing pretty much as he pleases”.

The egomaniacal media tycoon was found guilty of paying for sex with Morroccan prostitute Karima El Mahroug, known as ‘Ruby the Heart Stealer’, when she was only 17. He will now be sent to a place, or places, of his own choosing, and forced to do whatever he feels like doing for basically as long as he wants.

A spokesperson for the Italian justice system said “Having denied the allegations and falsely proclaimed his innocence, and as he shows no remorse whatsoever, Mr Berlusconi has been treated without any leniency.

“Silvio is no doubt going to have a Long Hard Think about

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March 7, 2013

Fun-loving Italians are still laughing

by philapilus
Italiano: Silvio Berlusconi in Giappone.

To be fair, it is fucking hilarious

Italy has reasserted its image as the happy-go-lucky, carefree man of Europe this morning, showing that despite its massive economic and political bankruptcy, it can still lark about with the best of them.

The judiciary (which in any other country would just be a bunch of stuffy old killjoys), made a fantastic joke that had people rolling in the piazzas all over the country, when they announced they were sentencing Berlusconi to one year in jail.

Minister for Humour, Mario Fratelli, said “Mamma mia! What a

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February 25, 2013

Berlusconi “Absolutely delighted” by feminist bosoms

by philapilus
Prime minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi at V...

Berlusconi’s hands are pretty much always in this position.

Silvio Berlusconi has described his enormous enjoyment of a protest three women made yesterday, when they went topless and attempted to mob him as he cast his vote in Sunday’s elections.

As Berlusconi entered a polling station in Milan, three members of Ukrainian feminist group Femen bared their breasts, on which they had written ‘Enough of Silvio’ in Italian, and attempted to prevent him from voting.

Bodyguards and security personnel grabbed hold of the protestors, but Silvio intervened, shouting “Don’t crush their lovely breasts! Let me watch them bounce! Please, let me see them BOUNCE!”

He struck two

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February 17, 2013

“Missed again!” Pope taunts God

by philapilus
English: VATICAN. With Pope Benedict XVI. Русс...

“So we’re agreed? We’ll keep telling Him to fuck off, and let him take it out on your countrymen. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

Pope Benedict XVI this morning used one of his last public appearances to lash out at God Almighty, Alpha and Omega, Creator of All that Is and Was and Shall Be, accusing Him of being “As past it as I am”.

The relationship between the LORD and his head representative on Earth has soured dramatically, since the pontiff announced last week his intention to quit his job to spend more time pursuing his new hobbies, or “Burying myself up to my eyebrows in jugs and drugs.” as he put it.

After a lightning strike on

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November 12, 2012

Citizens in shock as Venice fills with wet liquidy stuff

by philapilus
English: Church of San Giorgio Maggiore from P...

Most Venetians had only ever seen water coming out of a tap before, so it was sheer luck there were so many of these around.

Heavy rain, freak tides and bad weather-forecasting are being blamed for the unprecedented flooding of Venice over the weekend.

The Italian city, famed for its sandy streets and a small surrounding desert (given the ironic name of ‘the Venetian Lagoon’), is more used to drought and water-rationing than deluge.

But to their horror and shock, Venetians found themselves suddenly stuck with canals instead of streets, and had to use special walkways – or even resort to boats – in their efforts to get around.

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October 23, 2012

Italian witches to be burned at stake

by philapilus
English: Satan baptizing a disciple, most like...

Scientists graduating from the Seismology Degree Programme at the University of Bologna

The Italian government has issued a statement, confirming that a group of mages, who claimed to be able to predict earthquakes with their Satanic powers, are to be exorcised by the Holy Roman Church, and then burned at the stake.

The statement explains that “These seven self-styled ‘scyentistes’, members of a cult called the National Commission for the Forecast and Prevention of Major Risks, dabbled in the dark arts, claiming to be able to interpret the way that Beelzebub shifts the very ground beneath our feet.

“But worse than that, they got it completely wrong. They assured us that the scaly back of the devil would not be shaking the earth, as he thrashes around in his subterranean Hell. But it did, and terrible earthquakes followed.”

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