Posts tagged ‘Islamism’

July 7, 2015

Daily Mail to make official policy decisions on terrorism

by philapilus

The Daily Mail: literally never wrong, nor batshit mad

It has been announced that the Daily Mail will be allowed to make key decisions regarding the fate of British Jihadis, after the former head of counter-terrorism said he thought their ideas were “on the money”.

Robert Quick said “I was working through the policy implications of letting homegrown Islamists join IS provided they agree never to come back, when I suddenly realised that I was basically quoting a Daily Mail article by John Littlerick, saying we should ‘bloody well send ’em out there and good riddance’.

“I started to look through back issues, and found pretty much the same thing had been expressed on every page for a decade. Ever since 7/7 Britain’s meanest-minded journalists have encouraged everyone to think we should stick the towelheads on a plane, then tell them to fuck off and not

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February 8, 2013

Breaking News: France capitulates to Mali

by philapilus
Satellite image of Mali

Big diggers are being used to cut out Mali, so it can be airlifted to the European mainland by a fleet of helicopters and stitched onto the side of France.

This morning the French forces suppressing Islamist insurgency in Mali have surrendered to the numerically inferior rebels, in accordance with their time-honoured military traditions.

President Hollande has announced that he will officially cede power at 11AM, and a Vichy-style government will be

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April 27, 2012

“Please please me like you used to” say Egyptian female corpses

by philapilus
Mummy of Queen Ahmose Inhapy

Phwooaarrrrr! Be honest; who wouldn't hit that?!

Egypt may be on the cusp of passing a revolutionary piece of legislation, dealing with a thorny area of morality no government has yet dared contemplate.

As the twentieth and twenty-first centuries have brought the world ever closer to full-scale zombie apocalypse, all kinds of new codes of ethics have had to be considered: when is it ok to shoot a toddler in the face? How many times do you have to repeat your father’s name with tears in your eyes before you decapitate him with your ornamental coal-shovel? When you flee the city, is it ever ok to leave behind your annoying son, the one you pretend to love as much as your daughter, (but who really just pisses you off, and drove you to have a vasectomy)?

But so far only Egypt has tried to develop a humane, enlightened policy to consider how Z-day will affect the issue of that strongest demonstration of love and affection; sex.

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