Posts tagged ‘illness’

May 31, 2018

Global catastrophe imminent as someone signs something

by unpseudable
zombies

Inevitable

The zombie apocalypse clock moved yet another minute closer to midnight this week as the US ‘president’ signed a bill to allow terminally ill patients to try experimental drugs.

The move by the bloated imbecile brought hope to the terminally ill and doomsday preppers alike.

“Having been brought up on a steady diet of disaster movies I know just what this means,” responded survivalist and film critic Larry Gorman. “I mean, haven’t they even seen I Am Legend? It had Will Smith in it for fuck’s sake. This is going to be awesome.”

Critic of the move, Prudence Sober, said

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July 18, 2012

People who don’t try to prolong life dying sooner

by philapilus

Groundbreaking research, published in the Lancet, has suggested that people who don’t spend an inordinate amount of time trying to be healthy and to live longer, tend to be less healthy, and sometimes don’t live as long.

The compelling report, written by researchers from across the world, challenges conventional wisdom, in stating that obese people who do no exercise and sit around eating bucketfuls of cheesy wotsits, are more likely to die of things related to, say, being inactive and overindulging.

Co-author Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Shoe Recycling-Bin School of Lardarses, said “What our report demonstrates, is that a person’s health is related to how healthy they are. And whether or not they live healthily. And whether they try to avoid ill-health.”

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