Posts tagged ‘illegal immigrants’

September 1, 2016

Trump to rid US of people within 1 hour

by philapilus

“And you’re going, and you, and you, and you, and you there next to her, and you, and definitely you with the dark face, and you, and…”

Republican candidate Donald Trump has vowed to empty the United States of its entire population within his first sixty minutes as president if he is elected.

The strange-haired, rotund demagogue had earlier in the week visited Mexico, where strangely he failed to do his normal shouty anti-Mexican thing.

Hours later however he was in Arizona thrilling crowds with a speech about his much-publicised border wall with Mexico, and promising to deport

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June 30, 2015

UK sends bit of fence to France

by philapilus

“Fortunately fences are impossible to break, or indeed to scale” said Brokenshire

The UK government has announced it will send the National Barrier Asset to Calais, to help desperate authorities there cope with the scale of migrants trying to enter Britain illegally.

The National Barrier Asset was developed in the aftermath of terrorist attacks and has been described with glowing reverence by the Ministry of Defence as ‘a really quite long bit of fence’.

Immigration minister, James Brokenshire, said “A shorter bit of the long bit of fence will be sent to France and deployed at their end of the Eurotunnel, to show just

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January 23, 2014

Year old story causes panic

by unpseudable

Full of diseased rats

Quality papers, including The Sun, The Mirror and The Mail have today been alerting the British public to the anticipated arrival of a ghost ship packed with hundreds, or even thousands, of disease-riven cannibal rats.

The Lyubov Orlova was being towed from St John’s, Newfoundland, to the Dominican Republic when it was torn adrift in bad weather, just last January.  Or ‘2012’, as reported in The Mirror.  It was helpfully annotated in map form, reproduced by the Daily Mail showing the starting point to the north of Newfoundland, as close as a few hundred miles from the actual location of the port of St John’s.

After being towed into the mid-Atlantic and left to drift, it was later located about 500 miles off the coast of Ireland, last February. 

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July 23, 2013

Royal baby declines to comment on ‘immigrants go home’ campaign

by philapilus
Royal baby cam Lindo Wing London

The police stand by to begin evicting immigrants the second the baby gives the nod. Unless it’s one of those nods babies do because they can’t hold their heads up properly.

The infant son of Prince William and Princess Catherine declined to comment this morning over the announcement that several London councils are introducing measures to persuade illegal immigrants to leave the UK.

The crowd of journalists encamped outside St Mary’s hospital in Paddington clamoured for a statement from the baby, as plans for a targeted ‘Fuck Off Back Home’ advertising campaign were unveiled.

Barnet, Hounslow, Barking and Dagenham, Ealing, Brent and Redbridge will be using leaflets, posters and newspaper ads to make it perfectly clear to illegal immigrants that they are not at all welcome, and need to leave. Now.

Percy Spoke, spokesperson for

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