Posts tagged ‘HIV’

December 2, 2014

‘More friendly’ HIV causes concern about God’s dedication

by philapilus

God’s way of showing He cares, say morons

Almighty God has come under fire from many of his own followers today, after a major scientific study showed that HIV is now “not quite so good at wiping out the gays”.

The suggestion that HIV was generally chilling out a bit, starting to relax, and generally being less deadly, has caused some key church figures to question whether God might be going a bit soft.

Pastor Willy Stroker, of the Church of Christ’s Love and Unmitigated Wrath, said “The Lord is infallible, obviously, but I would just like to remind Him that

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April 24, 2013

News Briefs: Evangelicals ‘confused and angry’ over HIV stagnation

by philapilus
English: A pair of white briefs.

Briefs, see? So sharp we might cut ourselves on our own elastic

Evangelical and millenarian churches have today expressed growing frustration and bewilderment, at the news that HIV is gradually being contained.

Many believers convinced that the virus is God’s righteous judgement on sinners were said to be ‘Shocked and riddled with doubt’, after a campaign by the Department of Health suggested the spread of HIV could be halted within as little as one generation.

Evangelical pastor, Reverend Willy Stroker, said today “I was convinced that what with the UK Parliament being full of fag-lovers who think bumbandits are basically fine, God would crush most of the country with a brilliant HIV plague.

“Obviously, however, God seems to have let us down on this one. If you ask me He is being a bit too compassionate. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t dream of casting aspersions on His Holy limitless wisdom, and I’m all for endless love and forgiveness.

“But gays deserve to suffer on earth and rot in hell, and that’s an end of it.”