Posts tagged ‘Han Solo’

April 17, 2015

Lucas finally gets what fans really want out of Star Wars

by philapilus

Staring at this film-still for three hours would be so much better than the Phantom Fucking Menace

After years of making appalling prequels, Star Wars creator George Lucas has finally understood that actually fans just want to see Han Solo and Chewbacca flying the Millenium Falcon around and wisecracking.

The new teaser trailer for Star Wars Part XXVI, the Force Awakens Again After Sort of Resting For A Bit, suggests Lucas has returned to his winning formula; lush backdrops, no racist CGI characters, light sabers going ‘ZZZSSSHHHHHMMMMMMMMMM’ and a space rogue hanging out with his big cuddly friend.

Superfan Tim Twanks, who goes by the online moniker, Zedd Calrissiolo, said “I thought I

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March 6, 2015

Han Solo crashes Millennium Falcon on LA golf course

by philapilus

Silver fox; yes. Credible action hero; not so much…

Veteran Rebel Alliance pilot and smuggler, Han Solo, has been injured after crashing his vintage spaceship in Los Angeles.

A spokesman for the Mos Santa Monica spaceport said “Solo reported engine failure shortly after leaving the runway, but successfully managed a textbook crash landing on a nearby golf course.

“He really is

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April 30, 2014

Fans ‘delighted’ as Jessica Tandy and Thora Hird confirm Star Wars VII appearances

by philapilus

“The Mos Eisley Old Folks Home; you will never find a more wretched hive of arthritics and anachronistic witterers.”

Legions of Sci-Fi fans were delirious this morning, as it was confirmed that yet more extremely elderly thespians had accepted parts in the forthcoming Star Wars film.

Yesterday’s announcement that Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher will reprise their roles as Han, Luke and Leia, had already wowed the franchise’s most

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November 7, 2012

News Brief: Members of original Star Wars cast set to return

by philapilus
Retired military personnel at a table drinking...

The Rebel Alliance plans its next move against the Evil Galactic Empire in Mos Eisley’s space bar

The news that Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill are keen to return for the next Star Wars film has greatly excited the franchise’s fanbase.

Their characters will obviously be a little older, as the actors have aged some seven decades since the first film, but a spokesperson for Disney said  “Solo and Skywalker are going to be just as full of vim and vigour as ever.

“The plot hasn’t been finalised, but we are looking at some very exciting new props, including adding light sabers to the front of Hamill’s zimmer frame, and giving Ford a wheelchair with a smuggling compartment built in.

“Hans Solo will be wearing a flatcap, and has a whippet to replace Chewbacca. He will also have many lines showcasing his trademark wit, including a constant litany on how expensive everything is these days, and the catchphrase ‘I remember when all this were spacefields’.

“I can’t give too much away about the storyline at this stage, but I don’t mind hinting that Luke is having difficulty finding his glasses, and Han’s piles are playing up something terrible.”