Posts tagged ‘George Galloway’

November 27, 2016

Obituary: Fidel Castro, by George Galloway

by philapilus

Oh el Comandante! Sad, saddest of days that he should be taken from us! The tears that I weep know no stoppage, except to write this, for – great man that I am – I shall lay aside my personal grief to bestow upon you my memories of Fidel.

When Castro and I met I could tell at once that the tall, handsome, romantic, revolutionary figure I cut impressed him greatly. He could barely bring himself to look at me, feigning indifference to hide his jealousy.



File:George Galloway 2007-02-24.jpg

It’s not all about me








My powerfully sexual presence naturally would

read more »

September 2, 2015

Britain’s 9 sperm donors named

by philapilus

“There’s still time to get Bellamy’s” said Packham, rubbing his hands together

After yesterday’s shocking news that the national sperm bank has only nine registered donors, assiduous reporting (and blackmail) have today allowed TMB to bring you the names and motives of the people whose babies will soon be infiltrating the population

Boris Johnson: the Mayor of London and popular comedian donated in order to create a future army of trike-riding Johnsons, who at some unspecified point in time will be activated synchronously to bring about bloody revolution and death to all car-users

Chris Packham: Packham’s extreme racialism has convinced him that only a species composed of supremacist wildlife-enthusiasts deserves to triumph in the war of the survival of the fittest

Bill Oddie: was turned to the cause by Chris Packham

David Attenborough: Sir David’s

read more »

May 8, 2015

My electoral victory! by George Galloway

by philapilus

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for ME


Once again the British people have shown their good judgement in supporting myself and the Respect party, giving us yet another decisive election victory!

By selflessly releasing me from my role as their MP, the people of Bradford have shown that they want me to go forth, holding aloft the banner of Respect, to move on to even greater things – and if that isn’t ‘winning’ I don’t know what is!

Yes friends, unable to bear their guilt at having kept me all to themselves, they have

read more »

September 11, 2014

Prime Minister arrives in Scotland with puppy and some kittens

by philapilus

The Scottish families visited by the politicians and their animal chums said “Wuv nae had such gud meeet since the Graet Glasgie rat plague o’ 2012.”

David Cameron, Ed Miliband, and poor little Nick Clegg, arrived in Scotland yesterday with a selection of small, cute animals, with which they hope to emotionally sway the country into staying within the UK.

The last ditch attempt by the two main party leaders and Cameron’s footstool, saw the three men travelling from town to town, holding up their little furry friends, and pleading with the Scots to “Have a heart.” Cameron, holding two

read more »

January 14, 2014

Pair of trainers sues pimp

by philapilus
File:74892143 f94145facb.jpg

“”So emotionally distressed they are undergoing a course of counselling”

A pair of Nike Jordan trainers is suing convicted pimp Sirgiorgio Clardy after he used them to beat a man so savagely that he needed plastic surgery.

Clardy stamped on a client’s face, and also beat ‘his’ prostitute, and then filed a lawsuit for $100m against Nike, on the grounds that they didn’t warn consumers how dangerous the shoes could be.

But a lawyer for the pair of trainers he was wearing said today that they were suing Clardy because when they agreed to be worn on his feet, they “had no idea he was a dangerous, mind-numbingly stupid psycopath.”

Tim Oyly, from Yewlby, Buggerd, Shatton and Pisston partnership, said “My clients feel that when they were tried on in the shop, Clardy did not make his intentions clear, nor was there a huge warning tattooed across his stupid face to explain that

read more »

January 4, 2014

News Briefs: Experts warn of ‘Yet another reason to fear George Galloway’

by philapilus

Ecclesiastical authorities are said to be “highly concerned”, after

read more »

December 31, 2013

Anus of the Annus, 2013

by philapilus

After a year in which we have been spoiled for choice with your selection of ‘Wankers of the Week’, ‘Masturbators of the Month’, and even ‘Fingerers of the Fortnight’, the votes are in, and we can proudly present the person that YOU the readers think was the most awful fuckwit of the

read more »

September 4, 2013

“Porn? Never heard of it!” say MPs

by philapilus
English: Rt Hon David Cameron MP speaking at t...

“…and then I saw this clip where a dominatrix pushes this man’s head into her lap and makes him – well, you really have to see it!”

David Cameron has strenuously rejected data resulting from an FOI request, which revealed that there were more than 300,000 attempts to access pornography in the Houses of Parliament in the last 12 months.

Cameron said “I want to express outrage at the ridiculous notion that we, as your elected representatives, spend any of our time whatsoever looking at rude videos online.

“Most MPs don’t even know what porn is! I mean, I only know because, well, you have to if you’re

read more »

April 11, 2013

Wanker of the week

by unpseudable

There’s gold in there somewhere.  Probably

A huge variety of nominations for this week’s wanker of the week. Ken Loach made a passionate case for Margaret Thatcher. Meanwhile, Morrissey put his vote in for Margaret Thatcher. The city of Liverpool, backed by the majority of the north of England, Scotland and Wales suggested Margaret Thatcher. Facebook and Twitter made a combined nomination of Margaret Thatcher. George Galloway brought some further variety, suggesting Margaret Thatcher. This then prompted a surprise counter bid purportedly from Margaret Thatcher for George Galloway.

Ultimately, though, none of the literally ones of contenders could match:

read more »

April 9, 2013

Miners “Still a bunch of arses”

by philapilus
Arthur Scargill addresing Dublin May Day March

No-one’s saying Arthur shouldn’t dance on her grave; they’re just sort of hoping he slips and breaks his neck while he’s at it.

In an attempt to provide balanced coverage of the response to Margaret Thatcher’s death, TV channels have broadcast many interviews with former miners – all of which have reminded Britain that the NUM was a right pain in the arse.

Experts have said that footage of miners’ revolting, and especially clips showing Arthur Scargill even momentarily, are threatening to drive the country sharply to the right. Well, further to the right.

Wendy Nailinthehead, a housewife from Bracknell, said “When

read more »