Posts tagged ‘Fox News’

December 11, 2015

Mugabe backs Hopkins on backing Trump

by philapilus

‘England’s Rose’: according to Peter Sutcliffe, 84% of people consider Katie Hopkins to be the epitome of beauty

Robert Mugabe has this morning weighed into the argument over Donald Trump’s call for a US Muslim ban, claiming that “65% of all Britons agree with Katie Hopkins that at least 25% of all Britons agree with Donald Trump. Britain First! America First! Rights for Whites!”

Mugabe’s words were immediately backed by Kim Jong Un, whose support for Mugabe was subsequently backed by ISIS, who claimed that 3.3bn people (including themselves) had signed a petition calling for Trump to be king of the world.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Institute for Fuckwit-Analysis said “This is not the first time this has happened; a bigoted twat comes up with some spurious bullshit, which is immediately backed by an even bigger moron who invents some statistics, which are

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February 11, 2014

Fox News warns of sinister infiltration of ‘Commie Plastic’

by unpseudable

Staggeringly dangerous

Fox News has this week drawn the attention of the American public to the subtle, insidious invasion from Europe of tiny plastic figures of menacingly anti-capitalist intent.

Fox Business anchor, Charles Payne, reporting on the feature-length Lego advert, accused it of ‘indoctrination’.  “Basically, these Commie Danes seem to be telling our children that unrestrained capitalist corporations run by megalomaniac CEOs are not, by their very definition, the wondrously omnibenevolent apex of human endeavour.  This has to be stopped.  What’s more, the so-called ‘evil’ character, President Business, looks a hell of a lot like Mitt Romney.  Is that an accident?”

Media analyst Paul Degarabedian concurred, noting that “often times the head of a corporation is an easy target.  I mean, it makes you think about what poor beleaguered billionaire Tom Perkins said: the super-rich are pretty much on the verge of being taken to concentration camps. 

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June 7, 2012

Godzilla attacks state of Oregon

by philapilus
English: 1954 Japanese movie poster for 1954 J...

Being unaccustomed to the much, much larger bodies of most Americans, Godzilla was reportedly full to the point of discomfort shortly after arriving. However he has quickly picked up on that noble American tradition of puking to make room for more food

Widespread panic broke out in Oregon yesterday, when an immense concrete dock that had floated over from Japan turned out to be concealing the infamous monster, Godzilla.

The dock, which had been ripped from Misawa port in the tsunami last year, and had crossed thousands of miles of the Pacific ocean, was at first quite a draw, with crowds turning up to inspect it.

But local Sheriff, Jed Gunn, described what happened next.

“Someone said ‘Gee, that bit of wreckage sure looks like a big eye over there’, and someone else said ‘Well darnit, if it comes to that I reckon that bit at the top looks real like a big claw’, and then suddenly this massive three hundred foot tall lizard leapt out and began sweeping up dozens of  people in its claws and chewin’ on them.”

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