Posts tagged ‘Farage’

January 22, 2018

Farage considering donning the Nigelsuit one last time

by philapilus

“Quick! Hold him down and inject the sedatives straight into his neck!”

Nigel Farage has reopened the Faragecave, and is dusting off the Nigelsuit, according to sources close to the UKIP MEP.

UKIP went into a nosedive this morning, after leader Henry Bolton’s refusal to resign over texts his horrible racist ex sent, leading party stalwart Neil Hamilton to fire up the Nigelsymbol from atop a Wetherspoons pub.

Although the

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August 25, 2016

Farage and Trump to go on date

by philapilus

“Look I know you’re not happy about it, but he just…*gets* me, Melania, and that’s all there is to it.”

Nigel Farage and Donald Trump have agreed to go for a pint and maybe a dinner at Pizza Express, after hitting it off earlier in the week.

Farage spoke at a Trump rally, likening the glorious American future under Trump to the glorious British future post-Brexit, highlighting the glorious lack of ethnic minorities and money.

A Trump aide said “As Donald watched Nigel a light came into his eyes, and he began to gently

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June 22, 2016

Farage: have I got time for one more racist poster?

by philapilus
zombies

calm and measured message

Nigel Farage has asked today whether he has enough time to unveil just one more fascist poster before tomorrow’s referendum.

Holding a press conference in his local pub, the Negro’s Head, Farage said “I’m not racist, and UKIP isn’t racist, but i do just need to unveil one more poster which might look a bit racist. It’s just that I got them all printed up as a job lot, and it would be a terrible waste of money to scrap this last one.

“I’m definitely not a racist. How

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April 17, 2015

Farage attacks BBC audience “composed entirely of time-travelling Leninists”

by philapilus

“Karl Marx is in my kitchen cupboard!

Nigel Farage has blamed the BBC for audience hostility during last night’s TV debate, claiming that the corporation had filled the seats with time-travellers from the Bolshevik USSR.

During a tirade aimed at one of his thumbs, Farage broke away to castigate the BBC and everyone in the room, saying “I’ve never seen so many Russian revolutionaries in my life! You’re all from that film with the baby carriage and the stairs, and you all want to eat my leg!”

Although David Dimbleby attempted to explain to him the process by which audiences are chosen, Farage ignored him, and shouted that he was “Having none of this darkie-loving pinko lingo” before climbing onto his lectern, and defecating noisily into his cupped hands.

The Ukip leader then

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June 29, 2014

TMB’s news catch-up

by philapilus
"How do I keep getting away with this??!!"

“How do I keep getting away with this???!!”

Those of our readers not forced to visit this website as part of a community sentence order will have been sad to note that, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Morning Babel has been offline for the past week.

This has been down to an insurmountable technical hitch, involving difficulties locating a computer’s ‘On’ button. It had absolutely nothing to do with the megalomaniac, benzedrine-hopped editor killing the entire

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May 2, 2013

Wanker of the Week: Nigel Farage

by philapilus
Nick Farage Interviev

“I would like to see your fanny, but failing that, please will you vote for me?”

Nominated by:

Everyone.

Nominated for:

Being Nigel Farage.

TMB would like to state that in all fairness we feel we should not reflect political biases. Therefore despite the fact that, due to voting-patterns of our readers which are beyond our control, Farage is named our ‘Wanker of the Week’, we will also provide some

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May 2, 2013

Severe Weather Warning: Nigel Farage

by philapilus
English: Nigel Farage at Lord's cricket ground...

God help us all

The Met office has released a nation-wide alert today, as it emerged that Britain is facing severe amounts of Nigel Farage.

As polls opened this morning for county council elections across England, news channels warned that high levels of Nigel Farage are to be expected, which could affect voting.

Schools and businesses will remain open, but the Met Office forecasts that “Britain will be inundated with Nigel Farage by midday, with Farage continuing well into

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