Posts tagged ‘evolution’

June 10, 2015

Walmart ‘Mom fight’ video wrecks both theory of evolution and creationism

by philapilus

It really is the only way

The normally opposing worlds of science and religion have been brought together today in joint recognition of their failure, after it became clear that not only does humanity display no traits of being highly evolved, but it is also too despicable to have been divinely ordained.

The revelation came after a video of two women fighting on the floor in an Indiana Walmart went viral, proving indisputably that both the prole-ish participants, and the gleefully voyeuristic internet audience, are all just absolutely vile.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, ex-evolutionary scientist said “I have argued for years that

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September 10, 2013

Attenborough: “The End is Nigh”

by philapilus
David Attenborough 1

Moments later Sir David launched an astonishingly savage physical assault

Veteran broadcaster and beloved narrator of natural history programmes, Sir David Attenborough, was taken into care this morning, after he was discovered marching up and down Oxford Street screaming obscenities at people and chanting “YOU ARE ALL FUCKING DOOMED” through a loudhailer.

Sir David was wearing a sandwich board on which he had scrawled ‘The End Is Nigh’ dozens of times, using gibbon excrement.

The renowned presenter had previously

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June 26, 2012

Lonesome George’s death proves creationism beyond any doubt

by philapilus
English: Richard Dawkins at New York City's Co...

Now unemployable

The passing of Lonesome George yesterday, the rarest animal on Earth, was a cause of great sadness to environmentalists, conservationists and fans of big, slow-moving things that don’t have sex – but has also had unexpected metaphysical consequences.

George was the last surviving member of the Pinta subspecies, and was seen as a living symbol of the theory of evolution, which Darwin developed partly through observing the subspecies of giant tortoises on the Galapagos islands.

But yesterday, discovering his corpse lying on its back, George’s keeper and zoo officials were shocked to spot a small maker’s signature on the roof of the mouth, reading simply ‘God, 1908’.

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