Posts tagged ‘EU’

June 27, 2016

Britain only allowed to vote for TV talent shows in future

by philapilus

You can vote for this, but NOTHING ELSE

Britain has been told that it should restrict itself to voting on completely pointless shit like Saturday night talent shows, and must now refrain from ever voting on anything that matters.

Experts stressed the importance of Britain never going near a ballot box again, after the country effectively voted in favour of jumping off a very tall cliff to see how much it hurt when you hit the ground.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of

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June 1, 2016

UK’s oldest document reveals ancient Brexit uncertainty

by philapilus

The writer goes on to accuse opponents of scaremongering and inventing misleading statistics

A tablet discovered during an archaeological dig in London – and believed to be the oldest hand-written document in the UK – was actually an opinion piece on Brexit, it has been revealed.

The wooden tablet dates from 57 AD, and appears to have been a fragment of a large wooden newspaper article, weighing up the pros and cons of severing ties with the continent.

The deciphered

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April 24, 2016

Far right lead in Austria “nothing to worry about”

by philapilus
File:PortraitLHvers1870.jpg

The only bad thing that ever came out of Austria was lederhose

The 1st round victory for a far-right presidential candidate in Austria is “absolutely and categorically nothing to worry about” according to sources.

Hans Onmycok, political analyst and sandwich admirer, said “It’s not a big deal. Austria has a happy tradition of accomodating the extreme views of the far right without anything going wrong.

“If Norbert Hofer goes on to win he’ll probably be just as fine as the last right wing one we had. A bit zany perhaps, but no one we wouldn’t be publicly proud to

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June 30, 2014

Cameron: ‘Man who disagrees with me is worst possible thing for Europe’

by philapilus

 

Representing the UK like a BOSS

Representing the UK like a BOSS

David Cameron said today that the appointment of Jean-Claude Juncker “is the worst thing to hit Europe since Nazism, and may even be as bad as the Status Quo tour of 1988”.

The Prime Minister rang Juncker this afternoon to congratulate him, but immediately afterwards called a press conference in which he ranted for fifteen minutes about how the European Commission president-designate was “A gaylord, and wanker of the highest order”.

He went on to compare Juncker to the Black Death, Nazism, and

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May 27, 2014

EU to be put down

by philapilus

this room is finally as it should be

It was agreed this morning that the EU is to be taken out back and shot in the head, finally putting it out of its decades-long misery.

After European elections resulted in a violent swing to the right, a coalition of mutually loathing MEPs – many of them in power for the first time – announced that the EU had to go.

UKIP leader Nigel Farage, who won England after last week’s popularity contest, said “The European Union has fractured into a bunch of xenophobic, petty-minded, egotistical shits. It’s brilliant!

“I’ve longed for

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March 12, 2014

Miliband less keen on destroying UK than Cameron

by philapilus
File:Europe satellite globe.jpg

“If they weren’t so bloody close we wouldn’t get all these horrible garlicky smells wafting over the channel”

Ed Miliband said today that a Labour government might refrain from letting the British people commit economic and political suicide by severing themselves from the EU.

Miliband said Labour might hold a referendum, but that they would probably think a little bit about how and when, and only do it if it were necessary, rather than just pushing for one blindly, which is the Conservative plan.

A Labour spokesman said “Letting the cattle who read the Daily Mail vote on whether to leave Europe, whilst goading them to do so, is a little bit like pushing an elephant off a cliff and asking it to

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March 6, 2013

Daily Cartoon: by Stefan Belle

by philapilus

Again we are proud to welcome Stefan Belle, regular cartoonist over at the Grauniad, to get out his pencil and wave it for us! In this erudite and incisive satire, Belle once again demonstrates that his humour is no less sophisticated than his artistic prowess!

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