Posts tagged ‘EU referendum’

June 28, 2016

Corbyn blamed for Engxit

by unpseudable
jeremy_corbyn_global_justice_now

That there is an open goal: so let’s get out there, and miss it entirely

Besieged opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn ‘must take responsibility’ for England’s humiliating exit from football’s Euro 2016 competition and resign, according to an increasing number of Labour MPs and Roy Hodgson.

‘His leadership is now clearly untenable,’ said Chris Bryant as he resigned from the shadow cabinet. ‘I had some constituents asking if he was actually cheering England on at all. I said I didn’t know. Someone even said they heard him cheering for Iceland. He may well have been.

‘Of course, given that my constituents are mostly Welsh they are actually quite happy about England losing,

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June 27, 2016

Gran gets shit birthday presents

by philapilus
image

Obligatory Britain-is-broken picture

A grandmother has received terrible birthday gifts from her grandchildren today, leaving her shocked and confused.

“I don’t understand” said Granny “Samantha normally gets me something really nice, but this year all I got was a book called Politics for Dummies.

“She knows I’m not going to read that; I’ve got no interest in politics at all. That’s why I voted Leave.”

Granny confirmed that

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June 23, 2016

EU Referendum: the final deliberation

by unpseudable
vote remain today

Fair and balanced reporting guaranteed *

As voters go to the polls, TMB asks two average members of the public on opposite sides of the debate to give their considered opinions on the definitely entirely valuable referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union.

 

On the side of Leave is ordinary guy, Guy Ordinary:

“Look, I’m not racist or anything, but every single problem that this country is facing is entirely down to bloody immigrants.

“But that’s not why I’m voting Leave – not the only reason anyway. The main reason – the other main reason – is, right, do you have any idea what we pay to the EU every year? No, neither do I,

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March 30, 2016

Shake it all about campaigners join Brexit row

by philapilus

Come on, everybody: ‘That’s what it’s all about…’

As the UK referendum on Eu membership draws closer, the In and Out campaigns have been blindsided by the unexpected development of a new ‘Shake it all about’ faction.

Though it has joined the battle over Britain’s future somewhat late in the day, pundits agree that the Shake it all about campaign has already made a powerful impression on the public imagination.

SIAB advocate Geoff Shovel explained the resonance of the movement.”This morning former

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March 19, 2016

Labour plans weeklong campaign on the abolition of the Agricultural Wages Board

by articulatedsheep

Labour communications supremo Seumas Milne was reportedly “putting the finishing touches” to the party’s “week of action” on the abolition of the body that regulated wages for those in the agricultural sector, in the runup to Easter.

In a move likely to surprise commentators who might have expected the party to capitalise on the resignation of Iain Duncan Smith and open warfare in the Cabinet over Europe and cuts and disability benefits, Milne reportedly considers that there is “more long term traction” in a detailed dissection of the Government’s policies relating to the rural economy.

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June 8, 2015

Cameron’s tough-talk to cabinet on EU ‘unrelated to warning from Obama’

by philapilus

The Prime Minister said “Do not fuck with me on this, because you will lose and you will die. I am definitely completely in charge here. Disagree with me and I will end you.”

But critics have suggested that Mr Cameron is acting tough to save face, after a weekend in which Barack Obama “heavily suggested” Britain should not cut defence spending, and that he “looked forward” to Britain staying in

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October 21, 2014

Cameron: “I have something important to say about Europe, possibly”

by philapilus

“Come on, come on. Why is this taking me so long? How can it be this hard to have an idea? I know people who have had more than one in a single YEAR…”

The Prime Minister has attempted to breach the divide growing in his own party, by announcing that he might make an announcement about the UK and Europe before Christmas. Probably.

Mr Cameron assured the country and fellow Conservatives that he would “be making a very strong statement, maybe outlining some sort of brilliant strategy, probably in a speech, article, open letter, or possibly in a text to my wife Samantha.

“But the

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March 12, 2014

Miliband less keen on destroying UK than Cameron

by philapilus
File:Europe satellite globe.jpg

“If they weren’t so bloody close we wouldn’t get all these horrible garlicky smells wafting over the channel”

Ed Miliband said today that a Labour government might refrain from letting the British people commit economic and political suicide by severing themselves from the EU.

Miliband said Labour might hold a referendum, but that they would probably think a little bit about how and when, and only do it if it were necessary, rather than just pushing for one blindly, which is the Conservative plan.

A Labour spokesman said “Letting the cattle who read the Daily Mail vote on whether to leave Europe, whilst goading them to do so, is a little bit like pushing an elephant off a cliff and asking it to

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February 21, 2014

Farage and Clegg to have long, hard kiss

by philapilus

Nigel can often be found sitting on a park bench, harmlessly counting pieces of couscous into his shoe, for hour after happy hour

Nigel Farage has accepted Nick Clegg’s challenge to join him in a French kiss that will go on and on, until one of them admits defeat and pulls away in disgust.

Farage had already accepted Clegg’s earlier challenge, to debate him publically on Europe, but after it became apparent that literally no one would listen, the two agreed to up the stakes.

BBC political analyst, Roger Beaver, said “Both Ukip and the Lib Dems are so unbelievably pathetic that it’s actually just kind of sad now.

“It’s like when an actress is really unpopular, and no one will cast her, and so she ‘accidentally’ posts a sex-tape online, or announces she’d

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May 14, 2013

Cameron “Absolutely delighted” by Tory infighting

by philapilus
English: David Cameron's picture on the 10 Dow...

“It’s going really well. Definitely.”

Downing Street issued a statement this morning saying that the prime minister was “very happy” with his party’s current self-combustion over Europe, and considers it a sign that the debate is “very healthy and not-at-all castatrophically fuckwittedly disastrous for us”.

Many Eurosceptic Conservatives were enraged by the ommission of any reference to an EU referendum in the Queen’s Speech, and have proposed an amendment in Wednesday’s debate on the speech, along the lines of “Sodding well grow some bollocks, Dave”.

But Cameron has played down

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