Posts tagged ‘economy’

November 26, 2015

Osborne fails to complete wall on live TV

by philapilus
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d1/Brick_wall_close-up_view.jpg/320px-Brick_wall_close-up_view.jpg

Presumably the chancellor’s catchphrase about finishing the job doesn’t apply in any concrete way

George Osborne has been criticised after doing a very half-assed bit of bricklaying which was caught by BBC cameras.

Journalists had tracked down the chancellor on a building site, where he spoke about the Spending Review and the economy, whilst working on a wall.

But to the nation’s surprise, after making his statement the chancellor downed his trowel, took off his helmet and hi-vis jacket, and

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July 28, 2013

Reason for jump in economic growth revealed

by articulatedsheep

The reason for the huge spike in Britain’s economic growth in the last quarter has been revealed. 

Between April and June, the economy grew by a staggering 0.000001%. As a result, a swaggering George Osborne appeared on BBC Breakfast last week to say, “Basically, we’re the best, and Labour are shit. If we keep this level of growth up, the economy will be back to 2007 levels in 2178.” 

Ed Balls, meanwhile, has spent the last week locked naked in a cupboard, emitting huge, gulping sobs of shame and regret. 

Telegraph "must be kept in fridge for safety reasons", WH Smith insists

Telegraph “must be kept in fridge for safety reasons”, WH Smith insists

It has, however, now been revealed that the reason for the positive news on growth is the purchase in the Leeds Station branch of WH Smiths of a Twix, and a bottle of Buxton Spring Water, along with a complimentary copy of the Daily Telegraph. 

As part of the same transaction, a customer also took the opportunity of buying a large bar of Dairy Milk for £1, after being pestered to do so twice by the sales assistant. It is understood that this particular purchase tipped the economy into positive growth. 

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