Posts tagged ‘Death’

February 3, 2016

Death to have February off

by philapilus

 

Deserved: he has been a very busy boy after all

The Grim reaper has announced that he is going to have a quiet month, having worked extra hard culling some big names in January.

Death said “Having taken down actors Frank Finlay and Alan Rickman, musician David Bowie, and lovable highwayman Terry Wogan – amongst others – I really feel like I’ve earned some time off.

“I am going to spend February on a beautiful island paradise in the Caribbean, letting shoals of little fish nibble at my toebones whilst tanning my skull. It will

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March 17, 2014

We’re all going to die

by unpseudable

Well, it was nice while it lasted

It has been confirmed this week that pretty much the whole of humanity should expect horrific and violent death in the almost immediate future.

A scientific study funded by NASA has hypothesised the various ways in which civilisation will almost certainly collapse in the coming decades.  Climate change, societal instability and war – not to mention unparalleled human fuckwittery – are pinpointed as major problems likely to destroy us all.

In the report, applied mathematician Safa Motesharri concludes that, “throughout history, civilisation appears to be on a sustainable path for quite a long time, but the Elites start consuming too much, resulting in famine among the Masses.  Things go a little haywire, and Bob’s your uncle,

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December 12, 2013

Breaking News: Mandela “still dead”

by philapilus
English: Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, Gaute...

Pretty much still like this, only more horizontal, and less smiley

Last updated 43 seconds ago

The world’s media have again confirmed that Nelson Mandela is still dead, and shows little to no sign of improvement.

After the news broke three minutes ago that Mandela remained a corpse, mourners continued to file past the open casket in their thousands, to pay their final respects, say goodbye to a beloved leader, and continuously check his pulse.

Mandela – or ‘Madiba’ as everyone is now pretending they knew he was also called – is linked to

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