Posts tagged ‘Daily Telegraph’

May 1, 2015

‘Stumbling Ed’ pic replaces ‘Half-drowned Kinnock’ as entire basis for Tory campaign

by philapilus

STUMBLE!!! STUMBLE!!!!!!!

After Ed Miliband’s podium-step stumble on Question Time last night, gleeful Conservatives have said that their strategy for the remainder of this year’s election will be entirely based on showing photos of the stumble.

Lynton Crosby, election organiser for David Cameron and huge fan of the tobacco industry, said “This is fantastic. We don’t need to keep pretending we’re winning the economic argument, or even bother with policies. We’re just going to use the word ‘stumble’ over and over and over again on social media.

“It’ll probably still be good for milking in 2020. Just like when Neil Kinnock fell in the sea, all over again; that photo’s been

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May 21, 2014

‘Critics are best thing ever’ say critics

by philapilus
File:Pavarotti - Sutherland 1976.jpg

Like something from a Ken Loach film

Cultural commentators of all stripes have joined together in robustly defending the gallant assault some music critics made on a young opera singer’s looks.

The Daily Telegraph’s Rupert Christiansen was amongst those who were unfairly pilloried, after pointing out that Tara Erraught’s “dumpy stature” somehow didn’t sound right.

But he and many other critics have today published a riposte, in the form of an open letter, on the subject of ‘Why critics are beyond criticism’.

They explain that

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March 17, 2014

Daily Cartoon: Matty on the Left’s Losses

by philapilus

In a special double-bill we bring you a second daily cartoon today, syndicated from the Daily Torygraph, and drawn by that hilarious stalwart of the black and white cartoons-about-the-right-being-better-than-the-left scene, Matty. This week Matty has made a cartoon about

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March 7, 2014

Daily Cartoon: Britain’s political dilemma

by philapilus

Today’s syndicated cartoon comes from celebrated Daily Torygraph cartoonist Matty, who has been delighting audiences for decades, with the sheer variety of his unending stream of

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November 11, 2013

English language ‘now finally broken beyond repair’ after John Major’s killing stroke

by philapilus
former British PM John Major in the Terme Hote...

krrsneezlwidgetwanker?

The long-suffering English language was rendered asunder this morning with an audible ‘pop’, after former tory prime minister Sir John Major accidentally stretched logic and truth beyond the point of no return.

In what only a severely brain-damaged rabbit could call a shrewd observation, Major suggested that a private school-educated elite had a stranglehold on public office and the running of the country.

But, unfortunately for meaning and semiotic consistency with reality, Major followed this up by suggesting that the highly-privileged elite  – which includes, for instance, the entire Conservative cabinet – was somehow

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August 23, 2013

Daily Telegraph wins top toadying award

by philapilus

 

Steven Seagal at the Pollstar Awards in Februa...

Cameron is nearly this cool

The Daily Telegraph newspaper has this morning thrashed all the competition to take the prestigious ‘Arselicker of the Year’ press award.

The Torygraph, despite numerous entries from papers across the political spectrum, clinched the award at the last minute with today’s article showcasing beach-based snaps of David Cameron.

The article suggests readers listen to ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ whilst ogling the photos of a barechested Cameron striding manfully across England’s fair sands, enjoying a

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