Posts tagged ‘Crime’

September 30, 2015

North Carolina redefines the concept of age

by unpseudable
Neil Young

You see, it can be confusing *

North Carolina’s legal system has successfully transcended logic with the recent prosecution of two children as adults for exploiting children who were themselves.

Facing up to ten years imprisonment for the possession of revealing selfies, the accused ultimately accepted plea bargains, requiring them to do community service.

Prosecutor, Nick Dobend, expressed his thoughts on the result: “Well, of course I was gunning for a custodial sentence, but we sure did teach them kids a lesson! Oh yeah, I know all those whiny liberals think it must be some kinda big hoax. But they don’t seem to get that these laws are there so that we can prosecute our children.

“Protect or prosecute? Well, one or the other.

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March 5, 2014

Daily Cartoon: Stefan Bell on the Crimea

by philapilus

Once again we present a brilliant, biting satire, syndicated from sister-paper ‘The Grauniad‘! Stefan Bell, the so-called ‘greatest 18th-century throwback’ satirist of his generation, is using his razor-sharp wit, subtlety and unsurpassed drawing skills to really

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November 19, 2013

“I have never eaten another human” promises Toronto mayor

by philapilus
Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, greeting a nun at ...

Ford also says he has never in his life successfully stolen the British Crown Jewels, adding “Damn, their security’s good over there”

Rob Ford, the embattled Mayor of Toronto, has told the press that he has almost certainly not actually committed every crime known to man.

Ford’s position has become seriously compromised in recent weeks, after the exposure of a large number of illegal, unpleasant, and massively stupid things he has done.

These included the use of crack cocaine, frequent drunkenness, drink-driving, and numerous other crimes, rumoured to include the murder of black children with a chainsaw in a spacecraft (to avoid terrestrial Canadian law).

But Ford lashed out at

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November 14, 2013

Ranjit Sinha ‘satisfied and happy’ after violent gang rape

by philapilus
Chain Handcuffs

Ranjit Sinha was even able to supply his violators with really good handcuffs. “Why else be a policeman?” quipped India’s top cop, as they stitched his rectum back together

Indian police chief Ranjit Sinha has described the deep satisfaction and post-coital pleasure he felt, after being gang-raped by four men.

By a strange coincidence, the sexual violation he enjoyed last-night came just hours after Sinha, the head of the Central Bureau of Investigation, had told a conference that if you couldn’t prevent rape, you should just enjoy it.

Sinha said “As two of the men grabbed my arms, a third gagged me, and the other man began to assault me.

“I realised immediately I couldn’t fight off four men, so I just decided to lie back and enjoy it, whilst

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June 24, 2013

Berlusconi sentenced to 7 years of doing whatever he wants

by philapilus
Silvio Berlusconi

Ok, he looks happy now, but it’s probably just that the reality of his sentence hasn’t sunk in yet.

24/06/2013

The Italian ex-prime minister Silvio Berlusconi was today found guilty on yet more criminal charges – this time for having sex with an underage prostitute – and sentenced to spending 7 years “doing pretty much as he pleases”.

The egomaniacal media tycoon was found guilty of paying for sex with Morroccan prostitute Karima El Mahroug, known as ‘Ruby the Heart Stealer’, when she was only 17. He will now be sent to a place, or places, of his own choosing, and forced to do whatever he feels like doing for basically as long as he wants.

A spokesperson for the Italian justice system said “Having denied the allegations and falsely proclaimed his innocence, and as he shows no remorse whatsoever, Mr Berlusconi has been treated without any leniency.

“Silvio is no doubt going to have a Long Hard Think about

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