Posts tagged ‘Corbyn’

February 24, 2017

Corbyn celebrates ‘historic win’ in Copeland

by philapilus

“It is the gulag for any who dispute our resounding success”

Jeremy Corbyn has exhorted subordinates to congratulate him for what he called the “historic victory in the Copeland by-election”, after the Tories took the seat from Labour for the first time in 80 years.

Corbyn said “This is a huge victory for us. Make no mistake, comrades; the Party has never been in better shape! Long live the Party and the Great Drive Forward!

“By allowing the reactionary Tories to

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December 16, 2016

Corbyn relaunch to feature new hat

by philapilus

 

 

 

jeremy_corbyn

“Jeremy was worried the black one carried connotations of ostentation”

Jeremy Corbyn’s team has confirmed that the forthcoming relaunch of the labour leader will prominently feature “a new and extremely sincere hat”.

Tim Twanks, political advisor to Corbyn and original script-writer for 1970s comedy Citizen Smith, said “The hat is something we found in a charity shop. It cost £1, or £994 less than Theresa May’s leather trousers, proving that Mr Corbyn is 994 times more trustworthy and down to earth than the prime minister.”

The hat is beige, woollen, and

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September 18, 2016

Kinnock: Corbyn worst disaster for Labour since me

by philapilus
348px-kinnock_neil

‘What an obnoxious arse Corbyn is – just like me’

Neil Kinnock has warned that if the Labour party re-elects Jeremy Corbyn as leader it will face its biggest crisis since he threw away the 1992 general election.

Speaking to BBC’s Panorama, Lord Kinnock said “Corbyn is not someone who can win a general election, and he will be a disaster for this party.

“And speaking as someone who failed to win a general election and was a disaster for this party, I know what I am talking about.”

Kinnock is

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January 5, 2016

Corbyn in ‘crazed purge’ as shadow cabinet decimated

by philapilus

“Hilary Benn will be first against the wall come the Revolution”

There was bleak news from Labour this morning, after dissidents alerted the world to the fact that megalomaniacal leader Jeremy Corbyn has begun “an epic Stalinist-style cull of his shadow ministers”.

Whitehall sources and Labour defectors managed to smuggle the news out of the notoriously isolationist Labour party HQ, by wrapping it in a paper towel and pretending it was human faeces.

It was then passed on to the courageous British media, who wasted no time in heroically

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September 16, 2015

Corbyn refuses to sing ‘Happy Birthday’

by philapilus

Jeremy Corbyn has caused an outcry amongst the conservative press, after it was revealed that he did not sing Happy Birthday during a party at the weekend.

According to witnesses, Jeremy arrived at the party and appeared to be engaging normally. He made full use of the bouncy castle, ate fistfuls of Wotsits and Iced Gems, and

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