Posts tagged ‘Chris Packham’

September 2, 2015

Britain’s 9 sperm donors named

by philapilus

“There’s still time to get Bellamy’s” said Packham, rubbing his hands together

After yesterday’s shocking news that the national sperm bank has only nine registered donors, assiduous reporting (and blackmail) have today allowed TMB to bring you the names and motives of the people whose babies will soon be infiltrating the population

Boris Johnson: the Mayor of London and popular comedian donated in order to create a future army of trike-riding Johnsons, who at some unspecified point in time will be activated synchronously to bring about bloody revolution and death to all car-users

Chris Packham: Packham’s extreme racialism has convinced him that only a species composed of supremacist wildlife-enthusiasts deserves to triumph in the war of the survival of the fittest

Bill Oddie: was turned to the cause by Chris Packham

David Attenborough: Sir David’s

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June 13, 2012

Penguins “sick depraved bastards” revelation

by unpseudable

“You are sick! Sick! I can’t even look at you!”

Research newly unearthed by the Natural History Museum from Captain Scott’s expedition to the Antarctic reveal just how totally fucked up the animal kingdom can be.

George Murray Levick, a scientist with Scott’s expedition 100 years ago was so shocked by what he saw he could only face reporting the hideousness in Greek. Some male Adélie penguins, he reported, have sex with dead females. In fact, they’d sometimes fuck ones who died the year before. Furthermore some would lure females and chicks, screw them and sometimes even kill them.  And probably then fuck them again.

Some would even have sex with other males.

“They just fuck left, right and centre.” Wrote Levick. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. That’s all they do. Well, sometimes they eat. And sleep. The rest of the time it’s just a whole lot of fucking. Look, there are some going at it right now. Oh my God, I think I’m going to be sick. That one’s actually falling apart. Dead is dead, you sick fuck!”

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March 22, 2012

Comments:

by philapilus
New Zealand Sea Lion

this probably isn't the real Gemini

Since posting guest writer Carol Sarler’s brilliant piece, we have been inundated with your witty, thoughtful posts responding to her words of wisdom. Here are just a few of the ones that were literate enough to be understandable:

Well done to all of you, and keep ’em coming!

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