Posts tagged ‘chief whip’

October 7, 2013

Cabinet reshuffle expected this week

by philapilus
English: More clowns at Clown School

The new line-up pose for a photo at No.10

Rumours of an anticipated cabinet reshuffle have heightened, after Chloe Smith and John Randall stepped down from their government posts on Sunday.

The two signed a joint letter of resignation, saying “Dave, you are a twat. We know you were going to axe us, so we’re off. Go fuck yourself with a splintery broom-handle.”

Although the Prime Minister has been relatively secretive about when the reshuffle will happen, a Westminster source says that the likely recipients of certain posts are “obvious really. It’s a no-brainer.” The expected changes include the following:

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October 19, 2012

Mitchell fellates baboon to take pressure off Osborne

by articulatedsheep

Government Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell has appeared in a YouTube video in which he appears to give a blow job to a monkey, it emerged this afternoon, in a move widely interpreted as intended to take the heat off the Chancellor, who had not paid for a ticket on a train or some shit.

Mitchell, who had earlier tendered his resignation to the Prime Minister, received a telephone call on Friday afternoon from Number 10’s Director of Media Operations, who advised him that before he was released from his blood-debt to Mr. Cameron there was one final demonstration of fealty that he could perform.

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