Posts tagged ‘Cats’

May 21, 2014

Cats ‘high all the time’

by philapilus

Not high?

A study in New Zealand has revealed that the erratic behaviour of cats can be attributed to their near-continual use of drugs.

After cat, Samantha Furcup, was caught by her owner bringing home cannabis, the NZ police force launched a public awareness campaign, based on the work of a Professor Hamish McEyebrau.

McEyebrau claims that cats’ characteristic lethargy, blinkered selfishness, extreme dependence on and exploitation of family members, and bouts of batshit mad psychotic aggression, are all down to the constant use of a whole cocktail of drugs, by every moggy in

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October 31, 2013

Dell laptops ‘not worth peeing on’ say cats

by philapilus

The feline community has expressed outrage over the suggestion that their urine smells similar to laptops made by manufacturer of very low grade computers, Dell.

Cat

‘Are you fucking kidding? Not if you paid me.’

Mr Mistoffelees, spokescat and conjuror for children’s parties, said “Those assholes who complained that their piece-of-shite laptops smelled of cat pee can go hang themselves.

“My urine is like a fine, dry Tesco’s own brand chardonnay, compared with the un-upgradable, cheap, laughable excuses for ‘computers’ that bunch of morons crap out.

“Honestly, they

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