Posts tagged ‘Cat’

October 31, 2013

Dell laptops ‘not worth peeing on’ say cats

by philapilus

The feline community has expressed outrage over the suggestion that their urine smells similar to laptops made by manufacturer of very low grade computers, Dell.

Cat

‘Are you fucking kidding? Not if you paid me.’

Mr Mistoffelees, spokescat and conjuror for children’s parties, said “Those assholes who complained that their piece-of-shite laptops smelled of cat pee can go hang themselves.

“My urine is like a fine, dry Tesco’s own brand chardonnay, compared with the un-upgradable, cheap, laughable excuses for ‘computers’ that bunch of morons crap out.

“Honestly, they

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January 30, 2013

“Guns don’t kill people, cats do” says new report

by philapilus
English: Blue-eyed cats with white fur have a ...

“You are feeling sleepy, very very sleepy…we are out of kitty litter; piss off to the shop, minion.”

A group of scientists have published an article in Nature Communications, which claims that the most dangerous creature in the whole world is almost certainly the common cat.

The authors believe that felines may be responsible for killing almost 4 billion birds, and perhaps as many as 20 billion small mammals, in the USA alone each year.

They also estimate that around seventy per cent of all homicides are actually secretly carried out by cats, whose natural stealth and small size mean they are almost never suspected. To date no feline has ever been convicted of murder.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, co-author

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